Chelsea Kaplan’s Musings About Life... After Birth

Whee! It’s summer! Time for the pool, beach, slip ‘n slide, sandals, bathing suits (okay, that’s yuck), outdoor picnics, grilling out.....I love it!

To get your summer started off right, each day this month, The Momtourage is giving away a goodie bag stocked with all of our favorite summer essentials - think beauty products, beach reads, heat-beaters, etc. Here’s what’s included:

1) A copy of Tori Spelling’s new book, “Mommywood”
2) Essie Nail polish from the summer collection
3) the June/July issue of Healthy Cooking Magazine
4) Avene TriXera Bath
5) Xen-Tan Transform gradual self-tanner/moisturizer
6) Alba Organics Coconut Lime Cream Shave
7) Avalon Organics Deodorant Spray
8) One With Nature Dead Sea Salt collection soap
9) Smooth N Shine Polishing Repair Xtreme Therapy Leave-In Treatment
10) a Gaiam Flower Power aluminum water bottle
11) Noah’s Naturals Brazilian Body Cream, Body Wash and Body Polish
12) Per-fekt Body Perfection Gel
13) Great chick-lit beach reads from Broadway Books including “RATTLED! A Memoir”, by Christine Coppa, “The Package Deal”, by Izzy Rose and “Adaptability” by by MJ Ryan
14) BAN Clinical Strength Roll-On Antiperspirant/Deodorant
15) Avon SpectraColor Lipstick
16) Julie Hewitt Shimmy Face & Body Shimmer and Cheekie cheek and lip shine
17) Biore Skin Preservation Dual Fusion Mositurizer + SPF 30
18) Carol’s Daughter Body Cleansing Gel
19) “SPENT: End Exhaustion and Feel Great Again” by Frank Lipman, M.D.

To win, send me an email at chelsea@themomtourage.com telling me about your favorite summer family activity!

Beginning May 27 and running through June 10, pediped Footwear will host their third annual Purchases with Purpose fundraiser to benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  During this period, select styles of both their oh-so-adorable Originals (for babies) and Flex (for toddlers and preschoolers) shoes will be marked down do super-cheap prices (some are only $19!).  Fifty percent of sales from this fundraiser will be donated to the charity to help grant the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions.

I recommend moving on this because not only is this a fundraiser supporting a fantastic cause, but pediped very rarely marks down the price of their shoes. Last year, the company raised more than $111,000 to help grant 15 wishes and has aspirations of surpassing that figure in 2009.  Help them do so by visiting www.pediped.com and outfitting your kids’ feet in their super-cute shoes.

If you purchase a pair of shoes in this promotion, shoot me an email at chelsea@themomtourage.com with the style(s) you picked! The first five readers who send me an email with the shoes they purchased will win a pair of pedipeds of their choice!

Kate, Kate, Kate. Did no one ever tell you that when you’re going through a big “life change” (or book publicity tour?) that you’re never supposed to get a radical new haircut? Especially one that looks like you did it yourself with a Flowbee?

Despite all of the media blitz surrounding Kate’s husband Jon’s alleged infidelity, most of the talk among my pals surrounds her hair.  “I haven’t seen a wedge that cheesy since my last trip to Whole Foods,” my best friend Jessica remarked after seeing it. Another friend referred to it as “The Volcano"- things flying into the air in the back, lava down the front. Momtourage member Hallie asked, “Imagine shampooing it? Or what it looks like wet?”. Me, I wonder what her hairstylist was thinking when cutting it, and how s/he instructed Kate to style it to replicate the look at home. Did s/he say, “I’m going for a Posh Spice meets ‘There’s Something about Mary’ sorta thing!’”? Kate, you need to petition your state’s cosmetology board to revoke the license of the person who butchered you like this, pronto.

Jon, however...even though he’s clearly a cheating little weasel, I don’t feel like he deserves as much outrage as Kate’s hairdresser. Scream, write me nasty comments, whatever, but here’s why I feel this way: Unlike much of America and most of The Momtourage, I have never been a fan of TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus Eight”. I watched once - it was the episode where Kate ripped Jon a new one for not using a coupon - and just couldn’t deal. First, seeing that much chaos caused by little kids was not my idea of entertainment - it was like watching the parts of my life that I watch t.v. to get away from. Also, and perhaps most difficult for me to witness, was Kate’s treatment of Jon. Sister is mean. I didn’t find it funny or charming; it just made me sad. Even though I never found him exceptionally likable, I felt badly for Jon. Poor dude has eight little kids and a wife who treats him like one of them. I bet he looooooves coming home to that.

Recently, it’s being reported, Jon’s been seeking some affection - and who knows what else - in the arms of a young Pennsylvania teacher, and not in Kate’s. Now, I’m not condoning infidelity - it is wrong, and bad and wrecks homes, but I can’t help but wonder if Kate’s repeated beating down of Jon had something to do with his lookin’ for love in all the wrong places. Sure, he was never a perfect guy - far from it. And yes, she’s under a lot of stress, caring for all of those kids, but it’s tough for me to ignore the possibility that Jon’s actions are a result of his getting really sick and tired of being treated like crap. It also seems Kate sought out the spotlight more than he did, so perhaps she got a little more into the fame game that he did (or was invited to by the media - she is clearly the one with more star quality), which likely caused tension in their marriage. I wonder, though, is the bottom-line reason behind Jon’s cheating that he wanted to be in the company of a woman who treated him like he was great, the best, the sexiest, the smartest...whatever - and not like a raging moron? In other words, not Kate - bad hair or otherwise?

While watching “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” the other night, cheese-tastic housewife Dina remarked “You gotta be your husband’s girlfriend, or he’s gonna get another girlfriend!”. I chuckled, then pondered. At the risk of setting the women’s movement back 50 years, I see some truth in Dina’s statement. I don’t see “being your husband’s girlfriend” as needing to be a different or more attractive person so your spouse doesn’t cheat. Instead, I interpret it to mean that you should strive to be a person he enjoys being around, someone to whom he looks forward to coming home.  If you love him, that shouldn’t be too much of a stretch, right? Yes, we are all so stressed between work and the kids and the house and God knows what else, but being kind to your husband (assuming he’s worthy, which he likely is because you married him in the first place)...well, I think that’s worth it’s marriage-resilience weight in gold. You have to wonder: would you want to be all nice and loving back to a spouse who wasn’t?

Was Jon?

Pure, sheer brilliance. Check this out. 

Unsure of what to give your favorite mamas this mother’s day? Here’s a great charitable idea:

Women escaping abuse aren’t treated to gifts, cards and brunches on Mother’s Day, so each year JWI’s Mother’s Day Flower Project reminds them that they are remembered on Mother’s Day by sending beautiful bouquets to 150 shelters nationwide. In order to fund this effort, JWI relies on donations. For each $25 you give to the Flower Project, JWI will mail a beautiful Mother’s Day card to a woman you designate – a mother, daughter, sister or friend – to let her know that she inspired your donation. Last year, I donated and had cards sent to my mother and mother-in-law, and this year I’m doing it for my two grandmas too.

The Flower Project extends far beyond Mother’s Day, funding many critical JWI programs that work year-round to break the cycle of abuse through community education, financial literacy, and much more. Of course, as a Jewish woman, I am that much more interested in donating to JWI’s Mother’s Day Flower Project, but regardless of your religion (or gender, for that matter), it’s an organization worth supporting.

To send a Mother’s Day card and support the Mother’s Day Flower Project, click here.

In these rough economic times, the need to cut back is a (sad) fact of life. Just because your budget’s a little tighter, however, doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice looking great. On Thursday afternoon at 12:30 PM EST, I’ll be joining Broads Molly and Christine of Sirius/XM Radio’s “Broadminded” (tune in on XM Channel 155 and Sirius Channel 102!) to try out some wallet-friendly alternatives to the most often-requested pricey in-office cosmetic dermatology and plastic surgery procedures. Here’s a preview of what we’ll be road-testing:

1) Patricia Wexler M.D. Dermatology 2-Step Exfoliating Glyco Peel for Acne and Fastscription Advanced No-Injection Lip Plumper ($60 and $17.50, bathandbodyworks.com)

2) Yummie Tummie shapewear tanks (around $70 each, yummietummie.com)

3) La Prairie Anti-Aging Day Cream SPF 30 and Anti-Aging Night Cream $200 each, laprairie.com.

Wanna win a Yummie Tummie tank for yourself? Send me an email at chelsea@themomtourage.com telling me why you need one and also including a question for one of our Momtourage experts. I’ve got 15 to give away!

Apologies for The Momtourage’s recent hiatus! Did you miss us? We missed you!

While we were away, The Momtourage was busy getting ready for a bit of a content re-launch. Our new and improved postings will offer more frequent posts on the everyday madness of motherhood and Chelsea’s adventures with her Momtourage, even more contests, giveaways and discount codes and more answers from our team of experts. Additionally, we’ll be launching our first-ever Momtourage Matchmaking effort - featuring the seriously adorable brother of one of Chelsea’s Momtourage pals!

We really appreciate your patience during our break - please let us know how you like the new and improved (but still just as cool as it ever was, of course) content!

Love, hugs, and a 3-hour nap,

Chelsea and the rest of The Momtourage gang

Big Bro is the type of kid who likes to go against the grain. He knows what he wants, and likes to do things in his own, unconventional way. The positive spin on this personality trait could be “Big Bro is is own person!”, “He’s an individual!” or “He’s sure of himself and his wishes!”. The negative, of course, could be “He’s a total pain in the butt.” I can interpret it either way, depending on the day and the situation. When we’re in gymnastics class and he won’t sit in the circle during the opening stretching exercises (he prefers to run around the circle while everyone else sits in it - he’s still paying attention, but just doing his own thing physically), it’s the latter. When he’s sleeping, however, it’s the former.

Every night when my husband and/or I put Big Bro to bed, he’s positioned traditionally, head on the pillow and feet towards the foot of his bed. Whenever we go to check on him before we go to bed, however, he’s turned himself around. I took these photos on four consecutive nights in order to illustrate:

Hilarious.

This past holiday season marked the 25th anniversary of the Cabbage Patch Kid, which made me feel both giddy with excitement and old. When selecting holiday gifts for the two daughters of Lee and Eric, some of our closest friends, I knew exactly what I was getting them:

As I stood there at Target holding the dolls, I got sad. Partially because I kinda wanted one too, but mostly because I was bummed that I don’t have a daughter to buy one for. I looked across the aisle at all of the monster trucks and Lightening McQueens and cursed them. Almost instantly, however, I snapped myself out of it. Poor, unfortunate me: I’ve got two fabulously amazing, absolutely adorable little boys.

Just as I was leaving with Olivana and Roxann, a curly-haired brunette Cabbage Patch Kid glanced at me from across the aisle. I scooped her up and added her to my cart, dammit. Meet my new doll/daughter, Renee Fiona:

My Monday Mom Must-Haves generally focus on the latest and greatest kids’ oriented gear. Today, however, it’s all about us, ladies. I have found what is undoubtedly the WORLD’S BEST MASCARA. Period, end of story. This afternoon (Monday) at 2:00 PM EST, I’ll be joining Broads Molly and Christine of Sirius/XM Radio’s “Broadminded” (tune in on XM Channel 155 and Sirius Channel 120!) to spread the gospel of this mascara and give away some on-air!

I am fairly obsessed with mascara, and am always on the hunt for the one that will give me ridiculously big, full, porn star-esque lashes. I’ve finally found it: Exceptionnel De Chanel Intense Volume and Curl Mascara. It is unbelievable, in a totally face-transforming way. Why?  It has a thick yet completely non-clumpy, non-smeary formula and a really amazing six-sided comb/brush hybrid applicator that really and truly coats, thickens and curls every little last lash. I have gotten so many “Wow, are those your lashes?” comments since I started wearing it, I wouldn’t be surprised if the next one was from an adult video producer.