Chelsea Kaplan’s Musings About Life... After Birth

I am so sick of seeing stories about how celebrities lost their baby weight that if I read one more, I think I’ll puke until I lose all of mine. It’s neither original nor all that funny anymore to complain about how unrealistic the rates as which celebrities lose their baby weight are. Obviously, it’s their job to do so, and because they’re multi-millionaires whose job is to look amazing, they literally spend all day and millions of dollars ensuring that within 4 or so months after popping out their kids, they’re lean and mean again.  Certainly, if you and I had Jennifer Lopez’s money, we’d have nannies caring for our kids (b.s. to her and Skeletor’s claims that they don’t employ nannies, by the way) while our personal chef, trainer and nutritionist (according to this week’s US Weekly) literally worked our butts off. And then, of course, we’d be rocking bikinis four months after having twins, just as she was recently seen doing.

For us real gals, the real way to lose weight is the un-fancy “eat less and exercise” program. I’m no health expert, but I know (and, naturally, hate) the simple truth that when you burn more calories than you consume, weight comes off. When I finally decided to lose my weight after Big Bro was born, I lived on BALANCE Bar Bare Sweet & Salty bars. They come in Chocolate Almond and Peanut Butter flavors, but my favorite was Yogurt Nut. What I like about these bars is that unlike other nutrition bars, they actually taste good and not all artificial and cardboard-y. They’re the perfect combo of salty and sweet, and they really do keep you satisfied for hours (note to Weight Watchers devotees: they’re four points each).

This go-’round, I’m still on the bars, but I’ve added Momtourage member Alicia’s not-so secret secret: drink lots of water. Because I find drinking loads of plain water rather boring and therefore somewhat painful to actually do, I’ve been guzzling this new water beverage called twist. I’m freaked out by most things artificial in my drinks (my food, not so much - see above), so this stuff has none of it. Essentially, it’s an organic, low-calorie (less than 10 per serving), preservative-free water flavored with juice and organic agave nectar for just a touch of sweetness. They come in six fruity flavors: Lemon, Mandarin White Tea, Mango Acai, Pomegranate Blueberry, West Indies Lime and Peach (my favorite, because I’m from Georgia like that).

Seriously - these drinks are awesome. If you need inspiration to drink yourself come water - you must try them. You can get these waters for around $1.29 for 19-ounces at specialty grocery stores (like Whole Foods) around the country. If you’d like to try them, I’ve got a set of all six flavors to give away to 10 winners each. To be eligible to win, you must be registered for The Momtourage’s mailing list, so if you’re not, click on the green “Join Our Mailing List” box at the top, right-hand corner of this page to register. 

15 (okay, 20) pounds to go......

Yesterday’s L.A. Times featured an article about American interrogators and their “torture playlists”, essentially, the songs they’ve been playing over and over again in an attempt to torture prisoners and detainees.

As I read the article, I was reminded of when I was in college and my then-boyfriend, making me take a vow of secrecy that I am clearly breaking here, reported that during his fraternity’s Hell Week, he and his pledge brothers got locked in a room where cold water was dripped on them and “Here Comes the Hotstepper” (specifically, the “chi chi chang chang” part) was put on the stereo system’s repeat. He said it was sheer torture, and apparently, the U.S. military agrees, as they use the same tactics on suspected terrorists at Abu Ghraib. The only difference between the two scenarios is that my ex-boyfriend and his pledge bros voluntarily signed up for and endured that crap, and then the following year made the dudes dumb enough to do anything to be allowed into their social circle suffer through the same thing. Woo hoo, brotherly love!

“Here Comes the Hotstepper” was not mentioned in the Times article, but one of the songs supposedly used to break the will of terrorist suspects and cause them to confess to crimes against humanity was one I know well: the “I Love You” song from the “Barney” TV series. It’s actually the song I sing to Big Bro every night before I put him to bed, with the words slightly changed to include the names of everyone in our family. Interestingly enough, I didn’t pick the song to be our featured bedtime lullaby because of its association with Barney, but because it is sung to the tune of “This Old Man”, which is one of Big Bro’s all time faves. I actually loathe Barney with a hatred I only reserve for Karl Rove and nude pantyhose. Ugh, he’s so horrifically grating. And lame. If a children’s character could ever be designated a douchebag, Barney would win such honors. I’m sorry, but you know it’s true.

The author of the article, Bob Singleton, who was music director for the TV show “Barney and Friends”, wrote: “When I heard that “I Love You” had been used at Abu Ghraib to break the will of terror suspects, I just laughed. It’s absolutely ludicrous. A song that was designed to make little children feel safe and loved was somehow going to threaten the mental state of adults and drive them to the emotional breaking point?”

Uh, Bob, have you actually heard your song? It does precisely that, brother. The U.S. Military is using your song against the enemy for the same reason it employs assault rifles and smart bombs: they work.

Is it me, or is Bob the only dude on the planet baffled by this news?

On July 4, the New York Times ran an editorial imploring the FDA to update its safety data on sunscreen. In a nutshell, here’s why: Despite the fact that the F.D.A. proposed creating new safety standards and a new ratings system for sunscreens last August, they’ve done nothing in terms of actually creating them. In the meantime, the Environmental Working Group, a Washington research organization, looked into the safety and effectiveness of the sunscreens currently available to consumers (nearly 1,000 products). After collecting all their data and testing the sunscreens, the group found that it could recommend only 15 percent of those on the market with S.P.F. ratings of 15 or higher. The ones they could not recommend - 85 percent of what’s out there - either did not protect skin enough from some radiation that can cause skin cancer or included ingredients linked to possible health hazards.

Yikes, right?

Here are the top 10 products, in terms of effectiveness, as determined by the research conducted by the Environmental Working Group:

1. Keys Soap Solar Rx Therapeutic Sunblock, SPF 30
2. Trukid Sunny Days Facestick Mineral Sunscreen UVA/UVB Broad Spectrum, SPF 30+
3. California Baby Sunblock Stick No Fragrance, SPF 30+
4. Badger Sunscreen, SPF 30
5. Marie Veronique Skin Therapy Sun Serum
6. Lavera Sunscreen Neutral, SPF 40
7. Vanicream Sunscreen, SPF 35
8. UV Natural Sunscreen, SPF 30+
9. Sun Science Sport Formula, SPF 30
10.  Soleo Organics Sunscreen all natural Sunscreen, SPF 30+

Basically, it seems the products that received the lowest marks all had a few things in common: non-lotion formulas (sprays, even a few powders), the ingredient oxybenzone, fragrance and a low SPF number. I was shocked to see that among the lowest-rated sunscreens were products from some of the most distributed brands: Neutrogena, Hawaiian Tropic, Banana Boat and Coppertone. And I’m not even referencing SPF 2 oil - it’s products like Hawaiian Tropic Ozone Sunblock, SPF 70, Neutrogena UVA/UVB Sunblock Lotion, SPF 45 and Banana Boat Ultra Defense Broad Spectrum Sunblock, SPF 80. The bottom line: Just because a product has a high SPF and comes from a recognized brand doesn’t mean that it’s one you should slather on yourself or your kids. To search their findings by brand, product or formula, click here.

To help you make there best choices, here are the common brands the Environmental Working Group most recommends, based on the products’ effectiveness:

1. Blue Lizard (anything without oxybenzone)
2. California Baby (anything with SPF 30+)
3. CVS (with zinc oxide)
4. Jason Natural Cosmetics Sunbrellas Mineral Based Sunblock
5. Kiss My Face ("Paraben Free” series)
6. Neutrogena (Sensitive Skin Sunblock)
7. Olay Defense (Daily UV Moisturizer with zinc)
8. SkinCeuticals (Physical UV Defense)
9. Solar Sense (Clear Zinc for Face)
10. Walgreens (Zinc Oxide for Face, Nose, & Ears)

More than a million cases of skin cancer are diagnosed in the U.S. every year, yet it seems no one at the F.D.A. feels it necessary to set the sunscreen safety standards the agency 30 years ago that it would. Meanwhile, companies are free to claim but not provide broad spectrum protection. Until FDA requires that all sunscreens be safe and effective, I advise using the Environmental Working Group’s comprehensive sunscreen guide—including a list of 143 products that offer very good sun protection—to fill in the gaps. If you’re fed up with the F.D.A.’s negligence, click here to sign a petition being sent to Dr. Jeff Shuren, who heads up the F.D.A.’s sunscreen standard process, telling him you want safe sunscreen--and you don’t want to wait another 30 years.

From today’s Wall Street Journal (no I don’t read it regularly, but my business-y best friend Jessica does!):

Buying overpriced indulgences may feel good in the short term, but you pay the price later. Or at least that’s the conventional wisdom.

Luxury-goods makers, of course, will eat this up. I can see the slogan now: “Luxury: It’s Good for Life.” Or “Cartier: You’ll be sorry you didn’t.” Whether luxury is good for your finances is another matter. (Nobody goes bankrupt saying “I wish I’d spent more on Gucci bags).

Here in DC, my Momtourage and I are in full-on potty training mode. Some of us have all but accomplished fully potty training our kids (Dana), some are well on their way (Alicia), and some are just beginning to introduce the idea (the rest of us). Regardless of where we actually are in the process, it’s all on our minds, as most of us have kids who will be 3 between August and December.

I fall into the “just beginning to introduce the idea” category, as Big Bro is no where near being fully ready. He is, however, interested in the subject, which is promising. He loves sitting on his little potty before he takes a bath at at other times during the day, and occasionally, as luck would have it, he pees in it. My husband and I make a huge deal of it when he does, he feels happy, and all is good in the world. Now he’s fixated on pooping in it, which I consider a sign of progress. He’ll sit and sit and grunt, hoping to make things happen, confused as to why “the poop’s not coming out!” each time he wants it to. Despite this frustration, a few days ago, he actually was successful. My husband and I were freaking out, we were so excited (never thought we’d be those parents, but, of course, we are), not to mention proud of him. It hasn’t happened again since then, but he keeps on trying, and that’s all we can ask for at this point.

To maintain a child’s potty training momentum, a lot of professionals and books recommend instituting some kind of reward system - you know, a sticker a star or some sort of treat each time they go, as incentive. My kid’s not into stickers, but he does love hand stamps, so I’m using Melissa & Doug’s Happy Handle Stamping Set as his bathroom bonus. Each time he goes, he gets to pick one stamp (current favorite: the paw print, which he says is a “clue” as in a “Blue’s Clue’s” clue). They’re easy, convenient and economical, and, best of all, he really feels like getting one is some special sort of treat. Therefore, in my opinion, they’re the perfect potty reward. And if you’re one of those folks who gets all concerned about the psychological ramifications of rewarding your kid each time he poops or pees on the potty, chill. Do you honestly think he’ll be 13 and still expecting a sticker each he poops? Glad we’re clear.

You can get a stamping set of your own for $9.95 at divasanddrooligans.com. For 15% off your purchase of the stamping set and anything else you find on there that you must have, enter code MOMTOURAGE15. The site is also running a cool promotion where if you spend $35 or more on merchandise, you can purchase any of their screen tees or onesies for $1 when you enter the code DOLLARTSHIRT.

Now go forth and potty train!

Heather from Sarasota, FL writes:

“My kids will eat nothing but the typical kid-fare: french fries, mac and cheese, fried chicken fingers, PB&J, etc. They like fruit, but hate vegetables. Should I be concerned that they’re not getting enough vitamins? Should I give them supplements? Will they ever like good food?

The Momtourage’s illustrious pediatrician, Dr. Reva Snow, answers:

When my older son was 3 1/2, he gave up mac and cheese (which, by the way, could only be Annie’s white cheddar with shells; any other pasta shape was anathema).  Priorto that he had given up pretty much anything else he used to eat including spaghetti, all vegetables, most fruit and anything dairy. My irritation level spiked: now what the heck was I going to feed him? Now he’s 6, and while his diet is still quite limited compared to many of his friends, he now eats an assortment of fruits, a few vegetables, and a
fair variety of proteins and carbs (I’ve given up on dairy; thank goodness for calcium-fortified orange juice). And once in a blue moon he’ll even try something new without gagging.

It’s normal for children to go through a sometimes prolonged picky eating phase, usually beginning between their first and second birthdays. At least in part this is a result of wanting to exert some more independence and control. And because it’s about independence and control, fighting or forcing the issue will make things worse, not better.  Plus, you never want to set up bad or confusing associations with food (or with pooping, but that’s for another “Ask the Pediatrician").

Your best bet is to remain low-key and model the eating behaviors you want your kids to acquire.  Easy to say and hard to do when feeding your kid is a basic tenet of mom-dom.  Here’s some tips to hopefully make that job easier:

1) Whenever possible, eat meals together and let your kids see you enjoying a variety of healthy foods.

2) Keep treats as treats, not as bribes or substitutes. I promise your child will not starve even if she seems to refuse to eat anything but potato chips and you don’t give them to her.

3) Know that children - toddlers in particular - will grow and thrive on what to an adult is a remarkably small amount of food.

4) In addition to putting out foods you know he’ll eat, put out a small amount of something you wish he’d try (like a vegetable).  Repeated exposure will actually, over time, make these hated foods more acceptable.

5) Even though you absolutely do, act like you don’t care what your child eats or how much. Calmly encouraging or mildly offering verbal positive reinforcement for tasting new foods is fine.

6) Teach older children (3 or so, and up) about “growing foods” that make them strong, fast, big, etc., and involve even younger kids too in choosing (and growing, if you’re so inclined) and preparing food.

7) When your young toddler starts refusing previously acceptable foods, don’t give up altogether on offering them. It might just be a “food jag” or phase that will pass fairly quickly.

8) Try different forms of the same food - cooked, raw, with sauce, with cheese, spicy, mixed with other foods, whatever you think will work.

9) Encourage your child to physically explore preferred foods, even if they don’t actually ingest them. Use zucchinis and peppers as stamps, or bang a drum with carrots! Again, the more familiar the food the more acceptable it will become.

10) Know that it’s actually pretty uncommon for American children to be significantly vitamin-deficient (assuming you’re not feeding them exclusively Cheez Curls and Pepsi), so they don’t really need vitamins.

11) Take the long view on their intake - if they hit all food groups over a week, rest easy. And if you are concerned enough that you can’t at least pretend to be relaxed about their eating habits, or if their diet is exclusively white, by all means give them a multi-vitamin.

12) All of us were once, to some degree or another, picky eaters. And all of us, to some degree or another, learned to eat and enjoy a variety of healthy foods. Someday, and it will probably be here before you know it, so will your strong-willed, chicken-finger-lovin’ finicky kid!

[NOTE: There are some kids who have significant sensory issues relating to foods and textures, medical issues that show up as severely limited diets or overall intake, or who are not gaining appropriate weight. If you are concerned about any of these, or feel like your child is significantly more picky than typical, please talk to your pediatrician.]

When it comes to most things, I am not brand-loyal. I dip my fries in Heinz ketchup as well as the brand from my beloved Trader Joe’s, alternate between Chanel, Prescriptives and Lancome mascaras and wrap my kids in both Pampers and Huggies. For a select few items, however, I will use one brand and one brand only. Car seats are one example of such a product; when I buy a car seat, it’s Britax and Britax only.

The reason why I love Britax car seats are simple: they’re super sturdy, easy to install, comfortable (at least my kids never complain about them) and, most importantly, consistently receive the highest safety ratings from Consumer Reports. Though they’re not the least expensive car seats available, I have no problem justifying spending a little extra on something so important. The rest of The Momtourage, it seems, agrees. Nearly all of our kids ride around in Britax Marathons:

Recently, Britax introduced a new product, the Frontier Combination Harness-2-Booster, a seat for when your child is ready to make the transition from convertible car seat to a booster. It can be used two ways: if your child is at least two years old and weighs between 25 and 80 pounds, you can use it strapped in as you would a traditional forward-facing car seat. If your child is between 40 and 100 pounds, the combination seat can be used as a vehicle seat belt-positioning booster. All in all, it provides eight harness positions and three buckle strap positions, and includes the Versa-Tether, HUGS and premium LATCH connectors. In terms of what the seat itself offers, it’s got rotating, soft armrests, adjustable head support that also serves as sleep support for the child and retractable cup and snack holders.

I’ve seen the product, and it’s fantastic - just like all of Britax’s other products. When it comes time to get a booster, you know which one’s going in my car......

Want to win a Frontier of your own? I’ve got two to give away, as well as two Marathon Convertible Car Seats! In order to be eligible to win, you must be a member of The Momtourage’s Mailing list, so click on the green “Join Our Mailing List” box at the top, left-hand side of this page for a chance to win. Winners will be chosen on July 15 and notified by email. Good luck!

The other day I was in a department store restroom, changing the diaper of my two and a half-year old. He’s big for his age, so he was sprawled out on the table, and we were chatting away, my strategy for keeping him from flailing around. A woman, most likely in her mid-60s, comes up next to me and in an exceptionally disapproving tone goes, “That boy looks old enough to be going to the bathroom on the potty!”.

Um, excuse me?

A few responses immediately came to mind:

1) “Are you (expletive deleted) kidding me? Who the (expletive deleted) do you think you are, you (expletive deleted expletive deleted)? Mind your own (expletive deleted) business!”

2) “Gee, thanks lady! I never considered that at two and a half, potty training may be something I should consider doing with my son. Thank God you suggested that to me, the reigning Dumbass Mom of the Year! I will forever be in your debt. Because of you, my child will go to college knowing how to defecate on a toilet! What would I have done if I had never met you?”

3) “Wow, I had no idea that someone who’s never met my child has a more keen awareness of his potty training readiness than I, his very own mother! Since you do, here you go! (Hands child to obnoxious lady) I’ll pick him up from you in a month once’s he’s all trained. Thanks so much - you rule!”

It’s a good thing I was in the middle of wiping his butt, because I would have loved to have said one of the above. Instead I ignored her and went about my business cleaning up my son’s business. I was, however, fuming.

No matter who they come from, unsolicited advice and/or obnoxious comments - especially when they have to do with your parenting, can be pretty infuriating. Perhaps some people are able to let it roll of their backs, but I am not one of them. Parenting is hard, and when someone questions your choices or fitness...well, that’s what we Jews call “chutzpah”: nerve. Don’t. Go. There.

So I’m asking in hopes that I can find comfort in your similar experiences....what are your worst obnoxious/unsolicited comment experiences? 

Momtourage member Amy recently sent me this article from the New York Times, which once again makes me thank God that I have two boys. Here’s the deal:

Jamie Lynn Spears, the TV actress and sister of the singer Britney Spears, sent the celebrity gossip machinery into a lather last December when, at the age of 16, she confirmed to the world that “I’m pregnant.” Today, she’s rocketing to the top of Google’s search charts with the arrival, reported initially by People magazine, of Maddie Briann, weighing in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces. (The child presumably has a surname, but it isn’t mentioned in the report.)

As summer vacation begins, 17 girls at Gloucester High School are expecting babies — more than four times the number of pregnancies the 1,200-student school had last year. […] All it took was a few simple questions before nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. Then the story got worse. “We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy,” the principal says, shaking his head.

Once again, the news has touched off a round of soul-searching and finger-pointing. According to the Time article, adults in Gloucester variously blame a depressed local economy, broken families, adrift children, difficult access to birth control and hit movies like “Juno” and “Knocked Up” that they say glamorize pregnancy to young audiences. Bad examples set by celebrities off-screen did not come up, though, and no one Time talked to in Gloucester seems to have mentioned the most famous teen mother of the moment.

Oh. My. God. Kinda makes me yearn for the days that the most idiotic thing American teens were doing was getting Botox and facelifts. 

As a journalist who writes “lifestyle” articles (think fashion, beauty, home, parenting, etc.), I am routinely sent information and new products from press agents and publicists, all in the hopes that I’ll report on said products, thus gaining exposure for them. This info comes through many channels - email and even snail mail sometimes, but most comes courtesy of the UPS and FedEx guys, both of whom visit me so often that we call each other by first names, trade stories about our kids, etc. I really rely on the proactive communication from publicists and press agents; without them, I would have to spend nearly every waking moment shopping and reading stuff online. Okay, so I pretty much do that anyway (when I’m not being the world’s most awesome mother, of course), but there are fantastic things and important news that I sometimes miss, and these men and women keep me from doing that.

Occasionally, however, I get a press release that’s just plane insanity, and not in a good way. Today was such an instance, when I received an email touting “The Tween Plastic Surgery Craze”.

What? The tween plastic surgery craze? Like, kids ages 8-12? For the love of God......

Here’s what it said (cut and pasted from the email I received):

Hi Chelsea,

1. Otoplasty
2. Rhinoplasty
3. Breast Augmentation
4. Breast Reduction
5. Liposuction
6. Facelifts
7. Cheek Inplants(sic)
8. Chin Augmentation
9. Botox
10. Laser Application

So, in the release, “teens” and not “tweens” are referenced, so I’m not totally getting the release’s title, but whatever - it’s still nuts. OK, I get nose jobs and otoplasty (getting your ears pinned back), but there are teens/tweens getting facelifts and Botox? What? Have any of you heard of this ridiculousness actually happening?