Musings About Life... After Birth

For the momtourage, the only news that comes close to creating as much buzz as the shockingly cruel comments an ex-momtourage member is attempting to post on this blog (yes, honey, we know it’s you…there’s tracking software on the blog that accounts for the origin of each comment), is the recent controversy concerning infant car seat safety. To summarize, Consumer Reports magazine recently conducted a safety test of 12 widely-available infant car seats. Only two, the Graco SnugRide with EPS and the Baby Trend Flex Loc, performed well the in the tests. CR found nine seats provided “poor” protection in some or all of the crash tests, disengaging from their bases or (in four cases) flying out of them. In fact, the Evenflo Discovery performed so poorly in tests that CR called on Evenflo to recall it.. Holy crap, right? 

Momtourage members Becky, Linda and I were especially freaked out by this report, as the three of us used the Britax Companion, which at the time we were pregnant received the highest ratings from CR. Apparently now it’s been damned to the child safety naughty mat, which, along with the obvious “Holy crap, something terrible – perhaps even eclipsing Britney-scale - could have happened to my kid” thoughts, piss us off for two reasons. First, it cost nearly twice as much as the two that apparently are safe. Second, it’s like eight million times heavier than the SnugRide (the choice of much wiser Momtourage members Jamie, Marcie and Melissa), and we schlepped that monster around for nearly 8 months, wreaking havoc on our backs, not to mention various appendages.

Me with my son (at about 4 mos. old) and the evil Britax car seat

Well, today, in an “interesting” turn of events, CR recalled their recommendations, saying that they are going to conduct further tests. Huh? Here’s what really happened: Apparently, CR tested the seats at 35 mph for frontal impact and 38 mph for side impact. Government car seat safety tests, in contrast, are currently tested only in front-impact crashes at speeds of 30 mph. Clearly, what happened is Evenflo and their deep pockets (they make the Exersaucer, and who knows a mom who doesn’t own that sanity-saver?), along with the other poor-performing car seat manufacturers, complained to the government’s Highway Traffic Safety Administration that CR’s results aren’t legit because they aren’t in accordance with government standards. Although this is technically true, the government “standards” are clearly ridiculous. Honestly, who other than my Grandma Sylvia drives at 30 miles and hour? Is that really an accurate crash simulation speed against which we should measure car seat safety? Seriously…do I need any more reasons to think our government’s endless bowing to corporations at the expense of its citizens’ safety sucks? ArrrrghŅ

Look, when the time comes to buy a new car seat, I’m going with the SnugRide, per CR’s original recommendation. Case closed. Luckily, I don’t need to buy one any time soon, which is good, because the Neiman Marcus Last Call sale begins January 27^th, and mama needs a new pair of deeply-discounted shoes.

A recent email from my mom:

OK…I am obviously not down with the lingo.  What does MILF stand for?

Dearest Meryl -

Not sure what I find more breathtaking - your unbelievable talent or your desperate need for a stylist and hairdresser. The gays are lining up down the block to work with you, honey. Return their calls.

That’s all….

Love,
Chelsea

There’s nothing worse than repeatedly checking your favorite blogs to see if they’ve been updated, only to find old posts. BMy newly-discovered solution: blogarithm.com. Register, then add the URLs of all of your favorite blogs (like www.rumymother.blogspot.com, of course). You’ll get an email each time they’ve been updated with a new post.

If only they could send me an update when my kid has a poopy diaper, thus preventing me from ever again having to sniff his tush…...

Not since I was named cheerleading captain my senior year in high school have I received an honor so exciting: Christine, Shari and Molly, the hosts of XM Radio’s “Broad Minded” (5-8 PM weekdays on channel 155) have added me to their list of “Regular Broads” (regular guests on their show), and have given me the “Broad” moniker “MILF Broad”. Click here to see my profile on the Broad Minded web site, and for a recap of my appearance on the show last Wednesday, click here.

In honor of my recent title, I think I’ll push around the stroller in high heels today.

Whenever an article about children’s health comes out, it immediately gets forwarded around the Momtourage. This one, about a the CDC issuing a warning about giving children cough medicine was the latest. The article reports that the concerns about giving babies cough medicine arose after 3 infants died after having been given dosages of adult cough syrup that contained up to 14 times the amount of the nasal decongestant pseudoephedrine that is recommended for children ages 2 to 12. 14 times.

The Momtourage and I were discussing this article last Saturday night. “If you gave your kid 14 times the recommended amount of anything, he’d probably die,” Momtourage member J. said. We all nodded in agreement, after taking log sips of our Stoli Vanilla and Diet Cokes.

Now, I’m not sure of the exact amount of pseudoephedrine that is recommended for a child of that age to take, and perhaps I’m going out on a limb here, but the line between that amount and 14 times that amount seems to be a relatively big one, no? I’m terribly saddened to hear about this deaths, and it really angers me to think that someone was idiotic enough to give their kid that much cough syrup. I know how gut-wrenching it is when your kid is sick - you want to do anything you can to alleviate his or her pain - but an entire pint of cough syrup? Who was caring for these children? Britney?

My son just had his 15-month appointment with the pediatrician. Knowing the drill, my husband and I got him undressed before the nurse came in to ask us all the requisite check-up questions and sit him on the scale. The minute he saw the nurse walk in, he began wailing. WAILING. His face was beet-red and blotchy, and he was clinging on to his father like Kate and Leonardo did to that piece of driftwood after ther Titanic sank. The nurse would try to go near him, speaking softly, but when she did, he would wail even harder. After a good 10 minutes, which seems like an eternity when your kid is screaming bloody murder, she had the good sense to leave the room.

“At 15 months, they know what’s going on the minute they see us in our scrubs. It’s pretty much like this until they’re three,” she said as she exited.

My husband and I exchanged “holy shit” glances.

Awesome.

For those of you who are planning on catching me on XM Radio’s  “Broadminded” today, thank you! I hope you enjoy it!

The Broads and I will be discussing the tired old New Year’s Resolution that is losing weight, and the pain in the butt that it is to actually do it. Until those pounds come off, we’ll try Tummy Tuck Jeans, which claim to really and truly suck in your “I just had a baby….uh, 15 months ago” gut and lift up your butt. The jeans are available in all sorts of styles, colors and lengths, and also come in plus and petite sizes. For those of you who need a non-surgical abdomen suck, you can purchase the jeans at Nordstrom.com.  They run anywhere from $88-148.

So as not to show any yuck underwear lines, we’ll pair the jeans with the New Hanes Perfect Panties (which, their press representative tells me, D-list “celebrity” Shannon Elizabeth of “American Pie” fame ooohed and ahhed over at the MTV VMA Awards gift suite. If there’s good enough for someone who gratuitously flashes her boobies in raunchy teen movies, they’ve got to be good enough for you!). The panties are $7 for a pack of 2 and can be purchased at hanes.com.

If you’re gonna snack on sweets, at least do so one ones that have some sort of benefit. We’ll try Borba’s Skin Balance Jelli Boosters and Clarifying Chocolate (is that an oxymoron?), both of which claim to help remove toxins and improve skin clarity. The candies can be purchased at sephora.com.

It’s a start, right?

For those of you who have XM Radio (and for those of you who don’t, get the heck on board...it’s life-changing in a laser hair removal kind of way), tune into Wednesday’s broadcast of “Broad Minded” on Take Five, Channel 155. I’ll be on at around 5:30 discussing the hell that is trying to lose those last few (read: 20) pregnancy pounds and my new obsessions, Tummy Tuck Jeans and Hanes Perfect Panties (because unlike some other moms of 15 month-old sons, I actually wear underwear).

More info on the jeans, the broadcast, etc. to come!

This month marks the one-year anniversary of the birth of the Momtourage, a group of fabulous ladies I met in a Mommy and Me class I joined last January. To celebrate, everyone gathered at my house last Friday for a birthday celebration. It’s hard to believe that this time last year we were new moms with babies ranging from two weeks old to three and a half months old, and none of us knew what the hell we were all doing. We forged our relationships going out to lunch, gathering on Fridays for playgroup, strolling around the mall and grabbing coffee while discussing the merits of one car seat versus another, how to get rid of our baby’s reflux and how to shed our baby weight. Now, things are much different: our kids now range from one year old to 15 months old, and we go out to lunch, gather for playgroup, stroll around the mall and grab coffee while discussing the merits of one car seat versus another, how to get rid of our baby’s pacifier dependency and how to shed our baby weight. A lot can happen in a year!

For those of you new moms and pregnant gals out there, I have one word of advice: make mom friends, and do it fast. When you go through something as crazy as the first year of new motherhood, you gotta hang with some ladies who are going through the exact same thing you are, or you will go certifiably insane (not to mention the fact that you’ll lose all of your non-mom friends by boring them with tales of your baby’s formula issues). A lame as “playgroup” used to sound to me, I understand now that it’s code for “you and your friends get to hang out and eat while your kids entertain each other”. I couldn’t have made it through this past year without my Momtourage. They’ve become some of my best friends and I adore each and every one of them, especially when they don’t judge my kid after he head-butts theirs during playgroup (though perhaps I should consider it less than coincidental that Linda recently forwarded me a “Your toddler this week” newsletter that began “Has your toddler started hurting other children?”).

Here’s to many more years of laughter, support and friendship, ladies. How kick ass will it be when all of our kids marry each other just as we’ve planned?