Musings About Life... After Birth
Posted by Chelsea on April 28, 2008
Momtourage members Alicia, Lauren and I all had little boy babies (baby #2 for all of us) within a few weeks of each other. Alicia was first, and after swearing by the success the book “Good Night Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady’s Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake up Happy” by Kim West provided her with getting little Seth on a good sleep schedule, she sent the book to me and Lauren. “We’ll all have to discuss it after you read it,” she said. “Kinda like a new moms book club, you know?” I have to say, I really liked the book. Lots of good suggestions on how to get your kids sleeping well - with much focus on the ultimate goal of infant rearing: getting your kid to sleep through the night.
Like Alicia, it seems every mom has at least one “book” - some guide she swears helped her with her kids because it holds all the valuable tips and answers. My preferred baby literature has always been Tracy Hogg’s “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer” , which offers awesome tips to get your kid on a schedule, sleep through the night, etc., and Dr. Harvey Karp’s “The Happiest Baby on the Block”, which offers helpful hints on how to soothe and calm your baby. I’ve recommended both to all sorts of people, and have found that others like them as well.
Posted by Chelsea on April 19, 2008
Uh, not so much.
This book, by Florida-based plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer, is billed by its author as “the first book that explains plastic surgery to kids”, an issue with which he says many of his patients struggle.
“More than half the women that come in for procedures bring their children with them,” he said. “And most parents go into denial about the surgery with regard to their children.”
OK, seriously….who brings their KIDS to a plastic surgery consultation - or worse, procedure? People other than The Real Housewives of New York City?
The book’s story focuses on the journey of a mother and her child as they visit the “fictional” office of the “fictional” “Dr. Michael” for cosmetic surgery. The mother explains her impending nose job and tummy tuck to her young daughter, but oddly chooses to hide the fact that she’s also springing for some double D’s. That’s right - Mama also gets a boob job, but Salzhauer is “judicious” enough to use only illustrations to bring that piece of the story to life. “She does get a boob job, but I skirt that issue because I think that’s the parents’ choice whether they want to address that particular part of the operation with their children,” he explains. Because talk about breasts may freak kids out, ya know? The idea of tummy tucks and nose jobs, however, don’t, apparently.
“Why are you going to look different?” asks the daughter of her mother in the car ride back from the doctor’s office. “Not just different, my dear prettier!” exclaims the mother.
When prodded by her daughter as to why she’s getting a small home’s value worth of plastic surgery, Mommy explains how her clothes don’t fit properly anymore because of her stretched-out stomach. You know, all as a result of bringing her daughter, the little wench, into the world. Sweet message, Mom. “I’m going under the knife because you wreaked havoc on my body, sweetheart! If something - God forbid - happens to me, don’t spend too many years in analysis trying to get over it - especially since we won’t have any money to pay for it after I spend it all with (the fictional) Dr. Michael!”
By the end of the story, you can bounce quarters off of Mommy’s abs and her nose looks like a Swiss ski slope. And, of course, even though it’s not addressed explicitly (discretion, y’all), her ta-tas are Playmate of the Month-worthy. It’s a happy ending akin to Cinderella ending up with the prince.
For the record, I don’t think plastic surgery itself is ridiculous at all. If you want it, Sisters (or Brothers, for that matter) - go forth like the wind and get it, I say. I’ve always felt this way, but especially now that my “I’ve had two kids” body is sag-alicious. I wouldn’t rule out a tummy tuck, but would I ever buy a book to explain it to my kids? Um, no. I certainly get the need for children’s literature that explains illnesses, death, the impending arrival of baby siblings, etc. to kids, but plastic surgery? Really?
To this question, Salzhauer answers:
“When mom goes down everyone in the house is affected especially the kids,” he says, adding that many kids get upset when their mother seems sick or too tired to play. “They know something is going on and she has bandages, so they start to ask, ‘What’s wrong with mommy?’”
I would “go down” from my overwhelming feeling that this is surely the sign of the apocalypse, but I’m too consumed with laughing my ass off. Whee! One less area to liposuction!
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