Musings About Life... After Birth



Posted by Colleen on July 26, 2011

Dear Duchess,

Congratulations on the wedding. You looked lovely. I didn't get up to watch it -- hello, three kids -- but, as I don't live under the rock, I feel like I got caught up pretty quickly. Leading up to the wedding, as you ran errands, you looked beautiful. As a bride you were stunning, and I've been really impressed with what you've worn since then. I think your style is flawless, and I love that -- odd headpieces aside -- you don't feel like you have to push the envelope of normal fashion in order to be fasionable. It works. And I'm impressed. And grateful, because I know you have a solid influence on fashion, and I'm really grateful that your influence balances out that of, say, Lady Gaga. Yin and Yang and all of that.

But girlfriend, I just read an article that said you are bringing back nude hose. If you're wearing them, then this is the truth. And I've seen pictures. Kate, I have to tell you, I feel personally betrayed. The fact that you are donning them in public is the butterfly flapping its wings that will cause a hurricane of stockings to descend on women the world over. I'm sure this time next year I'll own a few pairs, despite how wholeheartedly I rejoiced when they went out of vogue. Who am I to argue with fashion? And let's face it, Kate, you're fashion. 

I just thought it may be worth asking you to abort this mission, for the comfort of moms everywhere. Sure, I don't work in an office, so I may be able to dodge this trend for the majority of my week. I wear jeans most days, and I generally only get dressed up on Sundays. But by the time I've wrestled all three of my children safely across the hot parking lot and into the church building, I'm usually a hot mess. (I mean this both literally and figuratively.) The addition of hose, suffocating me with their clinging ickiness, will only put me into a worse mindset...a mindset not properly suited to worship. Do it for God, Kate. Take off the stockings.

Women who wear stockings are more likely to commit crimes, I'm convinced of it. Moms whose legs are free from these nylon tethers will be better parents. We'll be more happy and patient. Hose will bring women to violence, Kate, or at least a painful level of constant irritation. To cut this trend off at the pass would be a humanitarian effort, Lady. Think of all the discomfort you could singlehandedly alleviate by simply refusing to wear hose.

In the name of compromise, I suggest that you begin using Jergen's Body Glow. Like nude hose it banishes the pastiness of an untanned leg, won't run, and doesn't feel like a parasite trying to consume its host. I'll be one of the first to support your cause. Or perhaps sclerotherapy for the masses? I'd be happy to be your poster child. 

Please? PLEASE?

Your palest friend, unable to don stockings without immediately running them,


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Posted by Chelsea on June 22, 2010

I got a press release today from the folks at Lynnina, a new swimwear manufacturer founded by Lynn Werner, who is described in the release as “a California-based mom who wanted to create a chic swimsuit alternative that delivered style, coverage and comfort”. Lynnia’s debut swimwear line “features boardshorts in a variety of colors and prints, with complementary mix and match tops…that ensure that unsuitable suits never get in the way of a cool dip on a hot day or splashing around with your kids at the pool.”

I sooooo want to support Lynn and momtrepreneurs in general, but oh sweet Lord, these suits are FUG. Check them out:

If Mom Jeans were swimsuits, I’m afraid these would be them. Even these cute, skinny models look dumpy in them. Bleech. No. Freaking. Way.

Even though I myself do it all the time, it makes me sad that the word “mom” is so often associated with the pejorative. Ugly jeans are “mom jeans”, big ‘ol, unsexy minivans are too “mom”, etc. I know there’s this whole “hot moms” movement, complete with books and television pilots and skinny celebs who grace the covers of Us Weekly looking Victoria’s Secret runway-ready an hour after giving birth, but you know the female image that comes to mind when “mom” is uttered isn’t JLo. More like Patricia Heaton’s character on “Everybody Loves Raymond”.

Just the other day, I was in workout wear store Lucy with Momtourage member Dana, and she was encouraging me to try on a pair of Lucy pants that she loves. They were cute, and quite comfortable. However, they they gave off a “this is as put together as I could get today - some workout wear/exercise clothes” vibe to me that I immediately associated with “mom” - and not in a good way. When I asked Dana if they were too “mom” she was like, “Um, I’ve got news for you, Chels - we are.” True, but does that mean we have to totally sacrifice attractiveness/style because we have kids? Personally, I refuse.

I know my bod’s not the same as it was before I had kids, and thankfully, there are some pretty hot-looking Miraclesuits and Spanx swimwear options out there. But this crap? Kinda feeling like it’s an insult to moms everywhere. Lynn, honey, give us a little more credit! Or at least some better colors and patterns.

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Posted by Chelsea on April 20, 2010

Sisters, let me hook you up with the glorious news that might just revolutionize your summer: Spanx, a favorite of muffin-topped moms like me, has recently introduced a swimwear line. Just in time to suck in post-pregnancy guts everywhere by pool season, the slimming swimsuits are super-cute (no matronly Mom-suits here - swear!) and really, truly make you look 10-15 pounds lighter.

My personal fave: The Convertible One-Piece Swimsuit in “Flamingo”, $178

On Wednesday, April 21st, I’ll be joining Broads Molly and Christine of Sirius XM’s “Broadminded” to highlight Spanx’s new swimwear line - we’ll even be trying on the suits in-studio! If you’d like to listen in to hear our complete review, tune in Wednesday to XM 155 or Sirius 102 at 2:30 PM EST. And, as a bonus, we’ve got five $150 shopping sprees to to give away! To win, sign up for The Momtourage’s mailing list - you can do so in the green box at the top, right-hand corner of this page and then post a comment in the comments section of the blog, indicating your name (we’ll match it up to the name and email address you give when you sign up for the mailing list!). If you’ve already signed up for the mailing list, just leave a comment with your name - we’ll find your address!

The winners will be chosen at random this Friday - good luck!

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Posted by Chelsea on November 18, 2009

My past few appearances on “Broadminded” have been beauty-focused, but today, it’s all about fun fall fashion finds. This afternoon at 2:30 p.m. EST on XM 155 or Sirius 102, I’ll be joining Broads Molly and Christine to share some of the coolest fashion goodies I’ve recently seen. Here’s what we’ll be checking out:

1) Yosi Samra Ballet Flats, $50,
You’ve seen ‘em on all the celebrities and in stores this fall….little ballet flats are a huge trend this season. The popular versions from Lanvin and Tory Burch can run you anywhere from $200-$400 a pop, but these high-quality, super-cute and ridiculously comfy (seriously, you’ll feel like you’re wearing slippers) versions from Yosi Samra are only $50! My favorites are the gold metallic pair, but at this price, you can afford to get them in a number of colors. They come in full-sizes only, so if you’re a half size, purchase the size up.

Want to win a pair? Register for our mailing list (in the upper, right-hand corner of this blog). One winner will be chosen at random. If you need those shoes right now, purchase them online, and enter code “Momtourage” for a 10% discount!

2) Sassybax Shapewear Leggings, $68,
Another ubiquitous trend this season: leggings. Whether worn with high boots, flats or a low heel, they’re an inexpensive, casually comfortable way to dress this fall. Layer them under a dress or skirt for work or going out, or pair them with a shirt and a large cardigan for daytime or the weekends. A good ‘ol pair of opaque black cotton leggings from American Apparel or even Target will do the trick perfectly (with leggings, more expensive isn’t usually better), but if you need a little extra support to contain those love handles, check out the hard-core slimming leggings from Sassybax. They lift, round and shape your butt (no “pancake tush” in these, ladies) and also suck in your tummy and hips without any pinching, rolling at the waist or discomfort in general. And while you’re on the site, check out Sassybax’s awesome slimming slips, bras, tanks and tees too!

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Posted by Chelsea on September 18, 2009

Woo Hoo!

The Momtourage was just named one of FITNESS Magazine’s favorite beauty and fashion blogs! Check it out:

The Momtourage
A great blog for busy moms! It’s hip, hilarious, and helpful—and this ex-beauty editor packs it with useful look-good tips and tricks that make getting out the door easier and faster (and humorous)!

Thanks, FITNESS editors! The love is mutual.

Uh…does this mean I have to exercise now?

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Posted by Chelsea on May 28, 2009

Beginning May 27 and running through June 10, pediped Footwear will host their third annual Purchases with Purpose fundraiser to benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  During this period, select styles of both their oh-so-adorable Originals (for babies) and Flex (for toddlers and preschoolers) shoes will be marked down do super-cheap prices (some are only $19!).  Fifty percent of sales from this fundraiser will be donated to the charity to help grant the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions.

These are only $19, folks! Navy/Pink Abigail shoes,

I recommend moving on this because not only is this a fundraiser supporting a fantastic cause, but pediped very rarely marks down the price of their shoes. Last year, the company raised more than $111,000 to help grant 15 wishes and has aspirations of surpassing that figure in 2009.  Help them do so by visiting and outfitting your kids’ feet in their super-cute shoes.

If you purchase a pair of shoes in this promotion, shoot me an email at with the style(s) you picked! The first five readers who send me an email with the shoes they purchased will win a pair of pedipeds of their choice!

Tags pediped, shoes


Posted by Chelsea on April 15, 2009

In these rough economic times, the need to cut back is a (sad) fact of life. Just because your budget’s a little tighter, however, doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice looking great. On Thursday afternoon at 12:30 PM EST, I’ll be joining Broads Molly and Christine of Sirius/XM Radio’s “Broadminded” (tune in on XM Channel 155 and Sirius Channel 102!) to try out some wallet-friendly alternatives to the most often-requested pricey in-office cosmetic dermatology and plastic surgery procedures. Here’s a preview of what we’ll be road-testing:

1) Patricia Wexler M.D. Dermatology 2-Step Exfoliating Glyco Peel for Acne and Fastscription Advanced No-Injection Lip Plumper ($60 and $17.50,

This maximum strength, at-home glycolic acid peel encourages skin cell turnover by intensifying exfoliation in a safe, at-home micro-peel. Just two steps reduce visible skin discolorations, including marks left by acne and uneven skin tone, and contribute to overall skin clarity. It actively rejuvenates skin’s surface at the structural level, measurably reducing visible lines and imperfections. One package offers 30 peels.

Without a single injection (or that horrid burning sensation most lip plumpers impart), lips gain visible fullness with Dr. Wexler’s lip plumper, thanks to moisture-activated hyaluronic plumping spheres to enhance lip definition and contour.

2) Yummie Tummie shapewear tanks (around $70 each,

Momtourage member Amy turned me on to these and wow, do they ever suck in that post-pregnancy gut. Created by Heather Thomson, the creative force behind P. Diddy’s Sean John line, the several labels launched by Beyoncé Knowles and Jennifer Lopez’s Sweetface brand, she developed these muffin-top erasers after being frustrated with how the existing shapewear options compressed the bust, didn’t stay in place, were horribly uncomfortable and hideous to behold.

3) La Prairie Anti-Aging Day Cream SPF 30 and Anti-Aging Night Cream $200 each,

$200 may seem like a lot for a face cream - especially in this economy (and a “less expensive alternatives to cosmetic dermatology procedures” segment), but these dream creams will last you at least a year each, all the while guarding you against wrinkling and sun spots, blanketing your face in Resveratrol, a potent longevity anti-oxidant that protects against free radicals, stimulating collagen production while protecting skin against collagen and protein damage, reducing the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles and significantly increasing hydration using intelligent moisturizing materials. Considering a year’s worth of botox and fillers will run you a minimum of $4,000, these 2 miracle creams are a drop in the bucket, comparatively.

Wanna win a Yummie Tummie tank for yourself? Send me an email at telling me why you need one and also including a question for one of our Momtourage experts. I’ve got 15 to give away!


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Posted by Chelsea on December 10, 2008

Need a good new baby gift or wee one holiday gift? If buying something adorable and doing good is your bag, you must get yourself over to From Dec. 17-31, the makers of that gorgeous children’s footwear are reducing the price of select shoe styles and then donating 50 percent of the sales from said shoes to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. So far, pediped has raised more than $87,000, enough to grant the wishes of 12 children with life-threatening medical conditions.

For more information, visit

Tags pediped


Posted by Chelsea on December 09, 2008

Choosing gifts for all of the loved ones on your list can be tough - especially when your wallet’s a little lighter than it’s been in years past. In the market for some cool, sure-to-please gifts that offer a big bang for your buck? As always, I’m here to help!

This afternoon (Tuesday) at 1:00 PM EST, I’ll be joining Broads Molly and Christine of Sirius and XM Radio’s “Broadminded” (tune in on XM Channel 155 and Sirius Channel 120!) to discuss my favorite holiday gift suggestions - nearly all of which are under $50! Here they are, below:

1) The Perfect Cashmere Robe, $35,

This snuggly soft cashmere-blend robe (which comes boxed and gift-ready) is seriously luxe - especially considering the price. For and extra $29, you can add the matching slippers.

2) Erin Condren 2009 Family Calendar, $40,

This personalized 11.5” x 17.5” 16-month calendar from whimsically wonderful designer Erin Condren features a centered hole punch for easy hanging and is backed with heavy-duty acrylic should you prefer to rest on any cookbook holder in the kitchen for easy viewing. Its front page is an info guide you can complete with valuable information for babysitters or housesitters. Also included are 216 colorful circle stickers to highlight birthdays, vacations, doctor’s appointments, & more. You can also use the colorful “blank” stickers to create your own color-coded system. Each month features a different bright design and inspirational quote. For an extra $48, you can add a matching life planner. Can’t get enough Erin? Check out the ultra-affordable line of holiday cards she created for

3) C.O. Bigelow Barber After-Shave Balms in Elixir Blue, Green, Red and Black, $10 each,

He’ll love these stocking-ready aromatic, after-shave moisture lotions for just-shaved skin are formulated with healing aloe vera and cooling, calming extracts to ease skin discomforts and promote healing of minor nicks and cuts. And the fragrances….so subtle and classic.

4) Chesapeake Bay Candle’s Green Bamboo Jasmine Home Set, $60,

This clean-smelling fragrance set contains one 7 oz. soy wax filled candle in a silkscreened glass vessel, one silkscreened mini diffuser bottle and set of reeds, one 100 ml bottle of fragrance oil and one embossed ceramic fragrance ball (containing sachet with scented beads). It’s an ideal hostess gift or gift for your boss.

5) Nuvo Sparkling Liqueur, $30 for 750 ml,

This pink sparkling liqueur is made with vodka and a small amount of delicate French sparkling wine (chardonnay with a touch of pinot noir), natural raspberry, peach and strawberry fruit nectars.  It can be enjoyed chilled over ice in a champagne flute, or served over a pink sugar-rimmed glass of ice with a splash of Prosecco. Housed in a chic bottle that is reminiscent of luxury perfume bottles, it’s the perfect hostess gift.

6) Lavanilla’s The Healthy Candle, $32,

An ideal gift for your favorite greenie, this good-enough-to-eat candle is all natural, non-allergenic, non-toxic, and eco-friendly, burning clean to create a safe and healthy environment without releasing harmful smoke, pollutants, toxins, or soot into the air you breathe. My favorite scent: Vanilla Coconut.

7) Trish McEvoy Snowdrop & Crystal Flower Roll-on Eau de Toilette, $20,


This elegant, roll-on fragrance, a romantic, modern blend of white narcissus, snowdrop flowers and crystal musk, is a pocket-perfect Trish fragrance. Encased in a pretty organza drawstring pouch, it’s perfect to slip in a stocking or give as an elegant gift. 

8) Lambie Sleep Blanket, $35,

Your favorite little guy or gal will love wrapping up in this big, snuggly blanket all winter long.

Tags gift guide


Posted by Chelsea on December 08, 2008

Last night, Michelle Obama appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno clad in head-to-toe J. Crew:

Of course, J. Crew promptly began promoting the heck out of the outfit:

And all three pieces have promptly sold out. Guess buyers followed those instructions on the bottom of the ad.

Of course, during campaign season, the wardrobes of the ladies on the campaign trail were frequently examined, discussed and, often, coveted, so I guess it should come as no surprise to me that folks so quickly jumped at the opportunity to own a piece or two of Michelle’s clothing. What I think is kinda cool about this apparel-oriented frenzy, though, is that her outfit was not some designer ensemble, but off-the-rack (or, I guess I should say, off-the-pages-of-a-catalog) J. Crew, the all-but-official outfitter/style haven of Washington, D.C. While campaigning, she, just like Cindy McCain and, of course, Sarah Palin, wore designer clothes. While she could certainly afford to continue doing so (especially since schmancy designers are likely sending her boxes of free stuff to wear), I imagine that she’s taken the current economic situation into account and is doing her best to be “of the people”. As she said on Leno, “You can get some good stuff online”.

I just wonder if before placing her orders, she searches for a coupon code like I always do…..

Tags michelle obama, j. crew

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