Musings About Life... After Birth

This article about “push presents”, which ran in last Thursday’s NY Times, has, of course, been forwarded around the Momtourage quite a bit lately. Titled “A bundle of joy isn’t enough?”, the piece focuses on the practice of men giving their birthing wives/girlfriends gifts (often referred to as “push presents”, which I have always found a particularly revolting term) as a way to celebrate the birth and show their appreciation for everything the mom endured. The piece suggests that many women have come to expect these gifts, though some women interviewed say they feel such an expectation is silly. Some men interviewed say they are cool with giving such gifts, while others apparently think such a practice is ludicrous.

Back in November, I wrote a piece for The Family Groove on this very topic. Though I initially assumed this “push present” practice was one unique to our unapologetically consumerist American culture (of which I am, admittedly, an active participant), in doing my research for the article, I found that the “push present” tradition is actually one that has longstanding cultural roots that extend outside of the U.S. (strangely, the NY Times article included no such background/anthropological info….who employs the more investigative journalists now, big-city paper???). In England, for example, after a woman gives birth, her man is expected to buy her an elegant ring, while in India, a man bestows a set of gold jewelry upon his birthing mama, offering more elaborate baubles for boy babies than girls. Apparently, push presents aren’t distinctively American.

I’m not exactly sure where I stand on the issue. Sure, I think the practice is really nice, but do I expect it? No. Would I be disappointed if my husband didn’t give me something after I give birth to baby #2? Probably, but only because this “push present” practice seems to be so widespread these days. Blame it on the media. Or peer pressure. Or on Tiffany and Co., which runs a really sweet ad for their “Tiffany Celebration Rings” with the tagline “Maybe there’s a baby” imposed over a woman cradling a baby girl while wearing a diamond and pink sapphire eternity band, which Momtourage member Lauren requested and was given after she gave birth to her daughter, Sammi. I was suckered into it too, and now have a blue sapphire one on my right hand in “celebration” of my son’s birth. NY Momtourage member Carrie requested a personal trainer in lieu of “baby bling”. Perhaps hers was the wisest request of all; diamonds are forever, but sometimes, it feels like post-pregnancy cellulite is too.

What do you think of “push presents”? Revolting? Phenomenal? Necessary, considering you endured 9 months of heartburn?

One more reason to love the city of Philadelphia:

As reported in today’s New York times, for the past three years, the Philadelphia council of the Boy Scouts of America has resisted the city’s request to change its discriminatory policy toward gay people.  The city threatened that if the Philly Scouts Council did not change their policies, the city would evict the group from a municipal (read: taxpayer dollar-funded) building where the Scouts have resided practically rent free since 1928.

Philly officials said they have a duty to defend civil rights and an obligation to abide by a local law that bars taxpayer support for any group that discriminates. The Boy Scouts argued with this, saying they had a right to preserve their culture and deserved the protection of the right of private organizations to remain exclusive and have traditions like requiring members to swear an oath of duty to God and prohibiting membership by anyone who is openly homosexual.

This week, the Philly city council made the decision to boot the Scouts out.

Here’s why I think Philadelphia rules: Under federal law, various forms of discrimination on the basis of race, religion, nation origin and sex are illegal.  Sadly, however, according to federal law, sexual orientation is not a basis of discrimination that is illegal. In the city ordinances of Philadelphia, however, it is. Just like it should be nationwide.

Because the Boy Scouts are a private institution, they absolutely have every right in the world to have the policies they do - like ‘em or not. I’ll go ahead and register my opinion on said policies, however: Their (essentially Christian) religious leanings don’t bother me - if you are cool with pledging and oath to God, by all means, join. If you’re an atheist, don’t. I think their policies regarding homosexuality, however, are nauseating. Whether you believe homosexuality is fine or reprehensible, discrimination is discrimination, and in my opinion, discrimination is flat-out wrong (and, if I remember correctly, the last time I read passages from the New Testament, Jesus preached love and acceptance of all people).

The policies of the Boy Scouts bother me so much that unless they change them, I refuse to let my son ever be a Boy Scout. It’s sad, actually, because I’m sure the Boy Scouts stand for and teach all sorts of cool values and skills - ones I am sure my son would benefit from learning.  I feel the organization’s ridiculously small-minded beliefs trump all its good ones, however, and I don’t want my son or family to be affiliated with such an unapologetically prejudiced institution. How is banning membership to all openly gay people different than banning membership to all openly Jewish people, or people of any faith? In my opinion, sending my son to join the Boy Scouts is not too different than sending him to join the KKK or some Neo-Nazi group. When you boil it down, they all preach a form of hate. Though some clearly do it more overtly than others, preaching hate is preaching hate.

Boo Boy Scouts and bravo, Philadelphia. The City of Brotherly Love, indeed.

Mothers of boys (or mothers in general): In light of these policies, would you let you son join the Boy Scouts? Why or why not?

From People.com:

“Tattoo” singer Jordin Sparks is determined to get a tattoo of her own – and she wants it to be the name of her brother P.J., whom she misses terribly now that she travels so much.

“This past year has made me realize how much I took my relationship with him for granted,” the singer, 17, tells the San Francisco Chronicle of her sibling, who is two years younger.

“I’ve only been home a week and a half since the year started, and I really miss him,” she says. “He knows everything about me. And, unlike a boyfriend, I know he won’t walk away.”

OK, I’m all for sibling closeness and all, but seriously, is this not Angelina Jolie-and-her-brother weird?

From the 11/19 issue of The New Yorker:

The ‘08 election won’t take place for another year, but it’s never too early to start campaigning for your favorite candidate - especially when said campaigning involves purchasing new clothes. In the Thursday Styles section of today’s New York Times, there’s an article about cool campaign wear for adults. Why, though, should you stop with just dressing yourself all blue or (gasp) red? I’m all for using your kids as little political statements too.

I live in DC, so all things political are sort of the norm here. I’m a big ‘ol Democrat, so naturally, I buy things for my kid that reflect such. Here are some examples:

If this is true (and I doubt it is), it would be hilarious!

According to a press release distributed today by First Lady Laura Bush, First Daughter/hard-partying, underage drinking, former sorority girl turned “teacher” Jenna Bush has become engaged to Henry “Hank” Hager.

Hank comes from quite a “reputable” background: a former White House aide to presidential advisor/king of all evil Karl Rove, he is the son of tobacco executive and chairman of the Republican Party of Virginia, John Hager. Nothin’ like two families with histories of manufacturing knowingly cancerous products, keeping the man down and all sorts of other evildoings joining forces!

While I wish Jenna and Hank nothing but happiness, if my son told me he were marrying a woman with these credentials, I’d vomit for a week straight.

I’ve written before about how absurd a place New York City can be - especially when it comes to the parenting culture. I lived there for nearly 8 years and taught middle school for 4 years, so I have quite a bit of first-hand experience as an observer of the nuttiness of it all. Though I still love Manhattan and in some ways long for the days I lived there, every now and then I read a piece in the New York Times that makes me want to vomit/reminds me that my husband and I getting the heck out of there before I gave birth to my kid was the best thing we ever did.

A good example of such is a piece that ran in today’s NY Times Style Section titled “Basket Case for Camp”. Here’s the text:

“FORGET TRAIL MIX. For parents who are too, um, busy to go shopping for camp goodies, Scholastic Camper Care Packages are custom-made baskets chockablock with wholesome mental treats for children spending the summer in the controlled wilds. Parents — or their reasonable facsimiles — can phone (800) 724-6522 and a consultant will guide them through the store’s assortment of games, crafts activity kits, comic book novels, trivia and joke books and, of course, real books, to construct a made-to-order basket. Top-selling crafts kits include design-your-own pillowcase, make-your-own bunk lantern, fingernail art and the T-shirt as canvas. With purchases over $75, the company will include a tin camp tote and a specially designed letter to your happy camper — because naturally, if you’re too busy to shop, you’re too busy to write.”

I’m wondering if those letters read: “Dear Honey, Mom and Dad love you SOOOO much that they paid top-dollar to have a really creative stranger pick out things you’ll probably like AND write you a letter from the heart! Hope you’re enjoying camp….God knows the Hamptons are much more enjoyable with you in upstate New York for eight weeks!”?