Chelsea Kaplan’s Musings About Life... After Birth

The other day, Momtourage members Jen, Alison and I were eating lunch with our kids and we all noticed how curly-headed those four little buggers buggers are. Granted, that’s probably what you get with a group of nice, Jewish kids, but still - it’s pretty remarkable, especially since the corkscrewed gang resembles a scoop of Neapolitan ice cream - one blonde (mine), two brunettes (Alison’s) and one redhead (Jen’s). Curls like theirs are pretty are pretty enviable, and always bring comments; wherever we go, people always make all sorts of “Look at those gorgeous curls!” or “He looks just like a little cherub” remarks. I always thank people when they compliment him like that, and to those who make the angel reference, offer them the opportunity to take him home and discover that’s he’s actually a little devil just how angelic he truly is.

To maintain my kid’s curls, I use the Krly Kids products by Ouidad, the New York-based hair stylist who is known as the authority on curly hair. I know, I know - I’m definitely advancing my quest to make my son gay by using all sorts of fancy haircare products on him, but seriously, this stuff keeps his locks from getting all ratty, tangled and ‘fro-esque. If your kids have curls too, you gotta try this stuff - it’s fantastic.

Got a curly kid? Send me an email at chelsea@themomtourage.com - I’ve got four sets of the products to give away!

I’m nearly two weeks into potty training Big Bro, and sadly, it hasn’t been going too well. He’s definitely “ready” (or as “ready” as he’ll ever be), and we’re having decent success at home, but when we’re out, he rarely wants to stop what he’s doing to tell me he’s gotta go. Therefore, we’ve had our fair share of accidents - and a lot of them have been full-on gross, if you catch my drift. Just this week we had one at school today, one at the park the other day and another that same day when Momtourage members Meredith, Jen and I were at Chicken Out eating lunch with our kids. Ugh. I know we just started, but already, I am so over it and so frustrated. Obviously, I can’t communicate this to my kid, as that would only set us back even further, not to mention guarantee his presence on some therapist’s couch 20 years from now.

I needed some major advice, so I consulted my brother-in-law, Michael, a child psychiatrist and the father of two older kids (read: he’s done this before, and actually knows what the heck he’s talking about). He listened intently, and then offered these words:

“I think it’s time to bring out the big guns.”

“The big guns?”

“M&Ms.”

Really? I had always heard you weren’t supposed to use food as a reward when potty training, despite the fact that one Momtourage member (whose name has been hidden to protect the innocent - and the guilty) bribed her kid with her favorite, blue licorice. It worked like a charm, both in getting her potty trained as well as in turning her poop turquoise.

“Yes, you generally shouldn’t use sugary sweets,” he said, “but in this case, you need a jump start, and I think he’d be motivated by the reward.”

I wasted no time picking some up today - little Halloween snack packs that can easily be thrown into my purse. I picked up some extras for myself, my motivation to endure - literally - more of this crap.

When discussing this plan of attack with another child-development professional, she echoed my brother-in-law’s advice. “Honestly, would you show up to work if you weren’t getting paid?” she said. Point taken. “Don’t worry,” she reassured me. “Really, he won’t be expecting M&Ms when he’s 4.” Let’s hope not.

When I think about Michael’s M&M advice, it makes perfect sense - especially in the case of potty training. I guess kids sometimes need that extra goal - whether it be a piece of blue licorice or the ability to push the real-life vacuum as Momtourage member Sloane offered her son while training him. So, I’m trying the M&M trick, and hoping for the best.

I just hope I don’t reward myself with them too often. 

This past weekend, my parents came in town and watched the boys while my husband and I got the hell outta Dodge (a.k.a. Chevy Chase, MD). As much as we love the little critters, Little Bro’s 6:00 a.m. wake-ups and the stresses related to potty training Big Bro were seriously taking a toll, and we were both so in need of a break.

We went to fairly nearby St. Michael’s, MD and stayed at the GORGEOUS Inn at Perry Cabin. Interestingly, a good part of the movie “Wedding Crashers” was filmed there. Remember the senator’s house where Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn’s character’s go stay? It was this hotel, actually (check out the web site - you’ll totally recognize it). It’s right on the Chesapeake Bay, and wow, it was beautiful. We slept late, got massages at the hotel’s spa, hung by the pool, ate some amazing food at 208 Talbot, read the paper by the water and caught up on the first season of “Mad Men” (which is major league amazing - if you haven’t seen it - you must rent the DVDs). Neither of us wanted to leave. It was Heaven.

When we returned to D.C., we were all rejuvenated and happy to see the boys. What a difference a weekend away makes.

Need to drop a few pounds? I do - like, a “few” times seven or so. In the meantime, it’s all about Spanx, the miraculous shapewear from Atlanta girl (woo hoo!) Sara Blakely. I hate to admit that all of those “Have you lost weight?” comments I’ve been getting recently can’t honestly be answered with “Why yes, and thank you, you wonderfully observant person!”. My seemingly svelte figure is completely the result of my wearing Spanx’s Hide & Sleek Girl Shorts and Slim Cognito Body Shaping Cami. Sara, you deserve a Nobel Prize.

This afternoon (Tuesday) at 1:00 PM EST, I’ll be joining Broads Molly and Christine of XM Radio’s “Broadminded” (tune in on XM Channel 155!) to discuss the newest offerings from Spanx: the Bra-llelujah! Full Coverage Front Closure Bra and the latest additions to Spanx’s hosiery line, the Patterned Tight-End Tights and Under the Heel Tight-End Tights.

Long car trips with kids are about as enjoyable as visits from your mother-in-law (well, not if you’re Momtourage member Alison, because hers, Grandmomtourage member Marcia, is awesome). Whether it’s watching four straight hours of Dora, stopping for 15 potty breaks or enduring screams from your baby until you find a rest stop at which you can feed him, car rides with the kids can be so excruciating that you’re tempted to bag family car trips until your kids are in middle school.

There are a few road trip essentials that can make your car trip easier, however. Here are three of my favorites:

1) Munchkin Car Bottle Warmer, $6.39, amazon.com

Store your bottles cold, but when it comes time for a feeding, pop one into this handy warmer, which plugs into any car adapter outlet. Bonus: it also works for baby food jars as well! And don’t worry about leaving it plugged in amidst the chaos - there’s an safety switch that shuts off the warmer when the bottle or jar is removed.

2) Sony DVPFX810/L Portable DVD Player, $129.99, amazon.com

When we got our SUV (I know, I know, I am contributing to the destruction of the planet.... but seriously, it holds so much stuff and so many people!), my husband and I opted to not add the built-in DVD player. Initially, I regretted the decision, but now, I realize that if we had it, each and every car ride with Big Bro would involve begging to watch “Bigfoot Presents: Meteor and the Mighty Monster Trucks”. With a portable DVD player, however, you get to control when the viewing opportunities present themselves. For a total “serenity now” moment, invest in some headphones as well.

3) Toy catalogs

When your kids have had their fill of movies, bust out the reading material. Because books can be a little short (read: not sufficiently attention-holding), I always have a stack of toy catalogs on hand. Nothing keeps big bro occupied more than looking at toy catalogs; honestly, he can leaf through one for a good 45 minutes. To get yourself hooked up, go to some of your favorite toy brands’ websites (try learningcurve.com, step2.com and intplay.com) and request a catalog of their products or hang on to those One Step Aheads that come in your mailbox every week..

What are your car-trip survival tips?

Big bro has been going through a period where he prefers that we call him by a name other than his own. The name changes weekly, and most are plucked from things he sees on television. There was a five week-long “Backyardigans” phase where he was “Pablo” for one week, “Austin” for two, “Tasha” for another and then “Pablonator” (from the “Cops and Robots” episode, naturally) for the final week. After that, he wanted to be addressed as “Mr. Diego”, which I am assuming is some sort of Dora/Diego reference, though I have no idea from where the “Mr.” originated (because really, shouldn’t it be Señor ?). Up until last weekend, his name choice was “Pony”, one of the monster trucks in “Meteor and the Mighty Monster Trucks”. Interestingly, Pony is the only girl truck on the show - and just happens to be purple. As much as I’d like to use this selection as ”Maybe my son IS gay!!!” evidence, I actually think he likes her because she’s purple, his favorite color (which, still, is not totally masculine, right?). Anyway...presently, he’s “Remy” from the movie “Ratatoullie”. He’s even gone so far as to dub Little Bro “Emile” (the big brother rat in the movie, but whatever....), my husband “Daddy Rat” and me “Mommy Rat”.

When he chooses a name, we MUST address him as such. Calling him by his actual name gets you a swift admonishing ("It’s Remy."). He gets into it by referring to his newly-monikered self in the third person ("Remy wants a cookie!”, “Remy does not want to take a rat bath!"). If you want to get him to do something, the only way to be successful is to call him by his new name. Apparently, this goes on at school too. After requesting that she call him “Pony”, his teacher, who also happens to be Grandmomtourage member Debbie, mother of Momtourage member Jen, assumed this was my pet name for him, and asked Jen to confirm her suspicion. “No, I thought it was Mr. Diego,” she replied. Of course, I had to explain that no, in fact, he’s actually so obsessed with a purple, female monster truck (which part of that is the most objectionable?) from television that he feels compelled to take on her identity. “Ohhhhh...” they replied.

What’s funny about this story is that apparently my husband went through a similar phase. In the first grade, the school called his mother to tell him that he had been writing “Pelé Kaplan” as his name on all of his assignments.

His teachers were not amused. Neither was my education professor mother-in-law when they called her in for a conference and tried to tell her to make him stop. “Why don’t you just worry about teaching, okay?” she told them. “He can sign his name however he wants.” Oh, snap! Of course, she knew he’d eventually grow out of it, which he has. For the most part.

Of course, just like my mother-in-law, I know this little role-playing thing is a harmless phase. I just hope that when he’s tempted to dye his hair blue or pierce his nose to “express himself” in high school, he just asks to be called “Pony” instead.

Guess what Big Bro had for dinner tonight:

Here in DC, my Momtourage and I are in full-on potty training mode. Some of us have all but accomplished fully potty training our kids (Dana), some are well on their way (Alicia), and some are just beginning to introduce the idea (the rest of us). Regardless of where we actually are in the process, it’s all on our minds, as most of us have kids who will be 3 between August and December.

I fall into the “just beginning to introduce the idea” category, as Big Bro is no where near being fully ready. He is, however, interested in the subject, which is promising. He loves sitting on his little potty before he takes a bath at at other times during the day, and occasionally, as luck would have it, he pees in it. My husband and I make a huge deal of it when he does, he feels happy, and all is good in the world. Now he’s fixated on pooping in it, which I consider a sign of progress. He’ll sit and sit and grunt, hoping to make things happen, confused as to why “the poop’s not coming out!” each time he wants it to. Despite this frustration, a few days ago, he actually was successful. My husband and I were freaking out, we were so excited (never thought we’d be those parents, but, of course, we are), not to mention proud of him. It hasn’t happened again since then, but he keeps on trying, and that’s all we can ask for at this point.

To maintain a child’s potty training momentum, a lot of professionals and books recommend instituting some kind of reward system - you know, a sticker a star or some sort of treat each time they go, as incentive. My kid’s not into stickers, but he does love hand stamps, so I’m using Melissa & Doug’s Happy Handle Stamping Set as his bathroom bonus. Each time he goes, he gets to pick one stamp (current favorite: the paw print, which he says is a “clue” as in a “Blue’s Clue’s” clue). They’re easy, convenient and economical, and, best of all, he really feels like getting one is some special sort of treat. Therefore, in my opinion, they’re the perfect potty reward. And if you’re one of those folks who gets all concerned about the psychological ramifications of rewarding your kid each time he poops or pees on the potty, chill. Do you honestly think he’ll be 13 and still expecting a sticker each he poops? Glad we’re clear.

You can get a stamping set of your own for $9.95 at divasanddrooligans.com. For 15% off your purchase of the stamping set and anything else you find on there that you must have, enter code MOMTOURAGE15. The site is also running a cool promotion where if you spend $35 or more on merchandise, you can purchase any of their screen tees or onesies for $1 when you enter the code DOLLARTSHIRT.

Now go forth and potty train!

Heather from Sarasota, FL writes:

“My kids will eat nothing but the typical kid-fare: french fries, mac and cheese, fried chicken fingers, PB&J, etc. They like fruit, but hate vegetables. Should I be concerned that they’re not getting enough vitamins? Should I give them supplements? Will they ever like good food?

The Momtourage’s illustrious pediatrician, Dr. Reva Snow, answers:

When my older son was 3 1/2, he gave up mac and cheese (which, by the way, could only be Annie’s white cheddar with shells; any other pasta shape was anathema).  Priorto that he had given up pretty much anything else he used to eat including spaghetti, all vegetables, most fruit and anything dairy. My irritation level spiked: now what the heck was I going to feed him? Now he’s 6, and while his diet is still quite limited compared to many of his friends, he now eats an assortment of fruits, a few vegetables, and a
fair variety of proteins and carbs (I’ve given up on dairy; thank goodness for calcium-fortified orange juice). And once in a blue moon he’ll even try something new without gagging.

It’s normal for children to go through a sometimes prolonged picky eating phase, usually beginning between their first and second birthdays. At least in part this is a result of wanting to exert some more independence and control. And because it’s about independence and control, fighting or forcing the issue will make things worse, not better.  Plus, you never want to set up bad or confusing associations with food (or with pooping, but that’s for another “Ask the Pediatrician").

Your best bet is to remain low-key and model the eating behaviors you want your kids to acquire.  Easy to say and hard to do when feeding your kid is a basic tenet of mom-dom.  Here’s some tips to hopefully make that job easier:

1) Whenever possible, eat meals together and let your kids see you enjoying a variety of healthy foods.

2) Keep treats as treats, not as bribes or substitutes. I promise your child will not starve even if she seems to refuse to eat anything but potato chips and you don’t give them to her.

3) Know that children - toddlers in particular - will grow and thrive on what to an adult is a remarkably small amount of food.

4) In addition to putting out foods you know he’ll eat, put out a small amount of something you wish he’d try (like a vegetable).  Repeated exposure will actually, over time, make these hated foods more acceptable.

5) Even though you absolutely do, act like you don’t care what your child eats or how much. Calmly encouraging or mildly offering verbal positive reinforcement for tasting new foods is fine.

6) Teach older children (3 or so, and up) about “growing foods” that make them strong, fast, big, etc., and involve even younger kids too in choosing (and growing, if you’re so inclined) and preparing food.

7) When your young toddler starts refusing previously acceptable foods, don’t give up altogether on offering them. It might just be a “food jag” or phase that will pass fairly quickly.

8) Try different forms of the same food - cooked, raw, with sauce, with cheese, spicy, mixed with other foods, whatever you think will work.

9) Encourage your child to physically explore preferred foods, even if they don’t actually ingest them. Use zucchinis and peppers as stamps, or bang a drum with carrots! Again, the more familiar the food the more acceptable it will become.

10) Know that it’s actually pretty uncommon for American children to be significantly vitamin-deficient (assuming you’re not feeding them exclusively Cheez Curls and Pepsi), so they don’t really need vitamins.

11) Take the long view on their intake - if they hit all food groups over a week, rest easy. And if you are concerned enough that you can’t at least pretend to be relaxed about their eating habits, or if their diet is exclusively white, by all means give them a multi-vitamin.

12) All of us were once, to some degree or another, picky eaters. And all of us, to some degree or another, learned to eat and enjoy a variety of healthy foods. Someday, and it will probably be here before you know it, so will your strong-willed, chicken-finger-lovin’ finicky kid!

[NOTE: There are some kids who have significant sensory issues relating to foods and textures, medical issues that show up as severely limited diets or overall intake, or who are not gaining appropriate weight. If you are concerned about any of these, or feel like your child is significantly more picky than typical, please talk to your pediatrician.]

The other day I was in a department store restroom, changing the diaper of my two and a half-year old. He’s big for his age, so he was sprawled out on the table, and we were chatting away, my strategy for keeping him from flailing around. A woman, most likely in her mid-60s, comes up next to me and in an exceptionally disapproving tone goes, “That boy looks old enough to be going to the bathroom on the potty!”.

Um, excuse me?

A few responses immediately came to mind:

1) “Are you (expletive deleted) kidding me? Who the (expletive deleted) do you think you are, you (expletive deleted expletive deleted)? Mind your own (expletive deleted) business!”

2) “Gee, thanks lady! I never considered that at two and a half, potty training may be something I should consider doing with my son. Thank God you suggested that to me, the reigning Dumbass Mom of the Year! I will forever be in your debt. Because of you, my child will go to college knowing how to defecate on a toilet! What would I have done if I had never met you?”

3) “Wow, I had no idea that someone who’s never met my child has a more keen awareness of his potty training readiness than I, his very own mother! Since you do, here you go! (Hands child to obnoxious lady) I’ll pick him up from you in a month once’s he’s all trained. Thanks so much - you rule!”

It’s a good thing I was in the middle of wiping his butt, because I would have loved to have said one of the above. Instead I ignored her and went about my business cleaning up my son’s business. I was, however, fuming.

No matter who they come from, unsolicited advice and/or obnoxious comments - especially when they have to do with your parenting, can be pretty infuriating. Perhaps some people are able to let it roll of their backs, but I am not one of them. Parenting is hard, and when someone questions your choices or fitness...well, that’s what we Jews call “chutzpah”: nerve. Don’t. Go. There.

So I’m asking in hopes that I can find comfort in your similar experiences....what are your worst obnoxious/unsolicited comment experiences?