Musings About Life... After Birth

Posted by Chelsea on March 30, 2008

First and foremost, the biggest, hugest thank you to reader Mona, who took it upon herself to up and photoshop that picture of me and the boys. Check out her handiwork:

Look, Ma - no tag!

How nice is that? Mona, you rule. Now, if you could only photoshop the post-pregnancy weight off of me in all of my other photos…..

In other news, my best friend Jessica, who has been my best friend since we were 8th graders (my, do we have some stuff on each other), is spending the year with her husband in China, courtesy of this cool opportunity she got with Google, the company for which she works. Anyway, it’s been kind of hard because China is like 13 hours ahead of me in my Eastern Standard time zone, so we rarely get to talk or google-chat. Luckily, there is email. In her latest report, she talked about how interesting Chinese culture is re: kids. She doesn’t yet have any of her own, but knows how into the subject I am, considering my profession both as Mom and parenting journalist. She writes:

“So, one of the different but really cool things here is how people are with their kids and other peoples’ kids. Since everyone can really only have one kid, people LOOOOOVE kids. LOVE them. And, in general, there is like, no violent crime here, but people especially really look out for little kids. So, if you’re at a park, restaurant or shop, you can really kind of let your kid run around and not worry about him. For example, last night we had dinner with some folks who also fairly recently moved here from Atlanta and who have an adorable 2 1/2 year old (Dillon). So we meet them at the (really nice) restaurant, and there is a kids playroom tucked away behind this like, frosted door. All of the waiters and waitresses were swooning over Dillon and
talking to him and playing with him. So he goes into the playroom, and we sit down to dinner. A few minutes later he comes out of the playroom and over to the table (totally by himself) and the waiter picks him up and helps him get settled in his high chair. Can you imagine? And this is at a really cool, great restaurant - not one you would typically consider “family-friendly”. Nancy (Dillon’s mom) says it takes getting used to, but once you do it is awesome. And it was so fun - we got some adult-talking time when he would go to the playroom and we got some Dillon time when he came back. It’s a totally different approach but it was really cool to see.”

I’ve been saying that if a Democrat doesn’t get elected in ‘08, then I’m moving to Canada, but China might work too…

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Posted by Chelsea on February 13, 2008

The Sports Illustrated ~~soft porn~~

swimsuit issue came in the mail today. The magazine annoys me for a multitude of reasons: first, I don’t know why they even bother to claim that there are swimsuits in that issue; the majority of the women are essentially buck naked, and those (at least in this issue) who are “clothed” are wearing painted-on “swimsuits”. Second, all the women are ridiculously skinny and hot, and at 8 months pregnant and about 35 pounds over my ideal weight, I freaking hate women like that (oh, who am I kidding - I always hate women like that). At times I’m on the fence about how I feel about Hillary Clinton as leader of the free world, but when I saw the magazine, I thanked God that there’s a woman running for President to counteract some of the SI-generated “women are nothing but eye candy/sex objects” crap.

Perhaps just to mess with me a bit, my husband brought the magazine into the kitchen while I was giving our son dinner. “Look what came today!” he sang, waving the magazine in front of our son’s face. I rolled my eyes.

Our son grabbed the magazine and looked at the cover, checking out glamazon cover girl Marisa Miller, who was clad in a bikini bottom smaller than one of his diapers, her chest covered with a few strands of beads. You know, exactly the kind of thing women wear all the time when they go to the beach.

It’s Mommy!” he said, pointing at Marisa.

When he asked for a cookie after dinner, I gave him five.

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Posted by Chelsea on October 01, 2007

The October 2007 issue of Parents magazine includes a small feature titled “Is He Crushworthy?” with the subheadline “We polled our married staffers and came up with this list of hotties”. Essentially a mom-version of a Seventeen magazine-esque “Who we think is hot RIGHT NOW!!”, the article includes a list of who the magazine’s married chicks think is “crushworthy”.

The list includes some of the usual/understandable suspects (“any and all firemen”, “24‘s Jack Bauer” and “The UPS Guy”), as well as a few slightly surprising yet still totally understandable choices (“Jon Stewart” - as previously mentioned, one of my personal faves, “Your child’s pediatrician” - one member of the DC Momtourage TOTALLY falls into this category, and “Forest Rangers”).

One choice, however, leaves me utterly and completely baffled , not to mention a slight bit nauseated:

“Steve, the former host of Blue’s Clues”.

STEVE? From Blue’s Clues? Ladies, you have GOT to get out more.

Pardon me while I get my handy-dandy notebook and comprise a list of 8,000,000 other guys who are far more crush-worthy…...

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Posted by Chelsea on September 21, 2007

Multiple members of he Momtourage and I signed up for a theater arts class that began today and will continue to meet each Friday for the next couple of months or so. Here’s a description of the class:

Celebrate autumn with this multi-sensory play experience using stories, songs and movement associated with fall themes such as pumpkins, leaves and farm animals.

When we first signed up for the class, I was really psyched, but at the first class grew nearer, I began to be filled with dread. My son, who will be two in early October, has been hell on wheels recently. He is exceptionally active and willful; a blonde-haired, blue eyed Tasmanian Devil. Perhaps devil isn’t the right way to put it, because he really isn’t a “bad” kid, but when he doesn’t do what I wish he would - and what it seems like most other kids his age can easily do (sit still, go with the flow), that’s what it feels like.

“Dude, I’m worried about him in class tomorrow,” I said to my husband last night.

“Why?”

“Um, two words: circle time”

“Oh,” he said, wincing. “Good luck with that one.”

My fears were confirmed this afternoon. All the other kids merrily (for the most part) sat in the circle and listened to story time, and had no problems following directions. My kid ran around the circle, as if someone imaginary friend was playing “duck duck goose” with him. Once he spotted a piano in the corner (thankfully, it was closed), he ran over to it and tried to pry it open - all while a group song was being sung. Coloring time captured his attention, but when it came time to give up his crayon, he was not psyched at all. With about 10 minutes left in the class, he began wailing for milk, bolted for the door, figured out how to open it, and ran out into the hall while the other kids were all receiving apple hand stamps. I felt like I deserved a hand stamp that read “Mom who cannot control her nutball child”.

I was trying to adhere to my “I do not negotiate with terrorists” policy and not to give into my kid’s milk demands, but Momtourage member Alison wisely told me to just go to the theater arts center’s cafe and get him some. Once I did, he was fine. It was the right advice. “Everyone has bad days,” Momtourage member Jessica said to me after she joined us in the cafe. I nodded in agreement, unsure of who was having a worse one, my son or me. I felt like crying and calling my husband to tell him how much I can’t stand our kid.

After the class, Momtourage member Jen and her mom, who had joined us for the class, came into the cafe, and came over to me.

“Oh, God, I hope he does better next time,” I said. “I just hate being the one with the problem child.”

“Let me tell you, I have taught preschool for over 20 years, and that kid is not a problem child,” Jen’s Mom said.

My eyes widened. “Really? You promise?”

“He’s just all boy, that’s it,” she explained, nonchantly but in a totally caring, compassionate way. “He’s a boy - that’s what boys do. I don’t mean to generalize gender, but at that age, it’s usually true. Most boys his age are like that - you really shouldn’t worry about him.”

Perhaps it was her professional expertise or maybe it was because she is a seasoned mom, but hearing this from her - even though so many other people have said the same thing to me on other occasions - was exactly what I needed at that moment. I suddenly felt OK, and no longer wanted to cry. I believed her.

We all wheeled over to California Tortilla for lunch, and then back to our cars, packing everyone into their car seats to head home for nap time. Momtourage member Alicia and I praised Alison’s twins for their great behavior in the class.

“You ladies get the gold stars for best behavior today,” I sang. “And coming from the worst behaved, we really feel confident in our recognition of it!”

Alison’s mother-in-law, who had also joined us for the class to give Alison an extra pair of hands, said, “So, there’s room for improvement for next week! There’s only one way to go!” This last shot of positivity from the Grandmomtourage was the final vaccine I needed in the treatment of my mothering-ability insecurity, not to mention my concerns regarding my kid’s sanity.

It’s the Momtourage that keeps me sane nearly every day, and even though they continued to do so today, I know that today’s the real award for best behavior goes to Jen’s mom and Alison’s mother-in-law, who will from this point forward be affectionately labeled the Grandmomtourage.

Ladies, you can hang with us anytime. In fact, will you….please?

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Posted by Chelsea on September 12, 2007

Okay, everyone. I’ve been holding out on you, but I’m ready now to come out of the closet.

I’m pregnant. Nearly 14 weeks freaking pregnant.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strangely, I found out this news only a few days after posting my apparently very discussion-worthy “Nicole Richie, you suck” post. You know, the one in which I expressed my frustration that unmarried, frequently arrested, former heroin-addict Nicole Richie could get pregnant naturally and I was unable to do the same.

Blog karma is a funny thing, huh?

Anyway, I posted that on a Thursday, and that Sunday noticed that I had been feeling PMSy for like 5 weeks, but hadn’t M’d. This wasn’t rare for me - I barely ever do so, but I figured taking a pregnancy test was probably in order, though I knew I wasn’t pregnant. Remember, I had to go through IVF to get pregnant with my first kid - I knew there was no way it just “happened”.

Well, apparently, it did:

My husband, holding the test I took . I always had these incredible fantasies of how I would tell him I was pregnant if I ever conceived naturally. In this case, however, I was in such shock that the minute he returned from running, I came out of our room and said, “Uh, dude…could you come look at this, please?”

My OB, Dr. Joan Loveland of DC’s Reiter, Hill and Johnson, was so excited for us, but wasn’t at all surprised. “I told you that this could happen!” she squealed when my husband and I went in for my first exam. “Pregnancy begets pregnancy. Your bod just kicked back into gear!” I had always heard about those women who went through all of the fertility crap or adopted and then BOOM - they get pregnant. I just never thought that was never gonna be me, but I guess I got lucky and it was. It’s only just starting to sink in now, and feel like it’s really real and not some dream from which I’ll soon wake up.

So, these past few months have been a crazy experience of disbelief, nausea, frequent pizza eating, exhaustion and excitement. My family and the Momtourage all knew, but I was waiting until the end of that first trimester to make it fully public. Now that I’m there, I’m as outed as Lance Bass, T.R. Knight and Doogie Howser all put together.

What’s cool is that 2 DC Momtourage members (Alicia, mom to Jesse, and another one who hasn’t yet come out) are both due with their second babies within in a few weeks of me. I’ve got 2 NY-area Momtourage friends (names to come later) a couple of months behind me, and 4 Atlanta momtourage friends (Sloane, Alice and 2 yet to be named ) all due within a couple months of me as well.

My due date is March 15. In the Roman calendar, this date is referred to as the Ides of March, best known because it is the date on which Julius Ceasar was assassinaed in 44 BCE (the story of which was famously retold in Shakespeare’s “Julius Ceasar”). The term has come to be commonly used as a metaphor for impending doom.

Vincenzo Camuccini, Mort de César, 1798
Maybe this means I’m due for a Caesarean?

If that doesn’t bode well for a seamless pregnancy and birth and easy baby, I don’t know what does.

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