Musings About Life... After Birth

It's been ten years. Longer than I've been a mother, which is now one of the main things that defines me. How can it have been that long ago, and only that short a time ago?

Today I cried in church as I remembered. I hugged my children and thought of the many families that today still feel the sting of their lost loved ones. I thought of the families unable to hug fathers, husbands, mothers, daughters, because they are defending my freedom, my way of life.

I thanked God that I have the freedom to worship Him in a country I love. These are challenging times, but at the end of the day, we aren't Republicans and Democrats, Catholics and Jews, homo- and hetero-sexuals...we are Americans, made even more beautiful as the sum of our differences. We are not afraid. We did not spend today hiding in fear. We spent it in reflection, in love, and in pride.

We won.

Hate lost.

But we will always remember.

In the Home & Garden section of today’s New York Times, there’s an article called “How to Speak Nanny”. The piece highlights the all-too-often communication breakdowns that can occur between mom and caregiver, and discusses why the mom/nanny relationship - especially ones in New York City - often involve a certain degree of strife.

As a mom who employs a part-time nanny, I of course found this major-league interesting. I also found it major-league annoying in that “ugh, the ridiculous crap that goes on in New York” kinda way. The stories of CEO Moms who passively aggressively communicate with their nannies, and the quotes from the “parenting consultants”....barf. It’s just too much. While I did find a decent amount of the article gross, I did find the central question of the article very, very interesting: When transferring some (or many) of their day-to-day mothering duties to another woman, how does it make moms feel? And, in turn, what do we do with those feelings? A “parenting consultant” (again, gag) in the article suggests that moms who give up a good portion of their child-rearing responsibilities to a nanny feel a certain degree of guilt about doing so, and therefore treating their nannies with a certain degree of contempt. And, it also seems, when they’re disappointed with their nanny’s performance - justifiably or otherwise - many moms fear speaking directly with their nannies (as they would any other employee) for fear that the nanny will take any anger she may feel towards the mother out on the kids instead.

Thoughts, ladies?

Photo courtesy of the New York Times

Need a little de-stressing after the holiday season? Why not treat yourself to a relaxing facial, massage, manicure or new ‘do? I know it’s tough getting away, but leaving your kids with family, friends or your significant other for an hour or two so you can get a little “you time” can be really rejuvenating.

If you need a recommendation for a good spa in your area, check out this guide that I recently wrote for The Family Groove on the best spas and salons across the country. If you live in the NYC, DC, San Francisco, Seattle, Atlanta, Chicago , Los Angeles or Boston areas, I’ve got some great suggestions on places to visit. If you live elsewhere and need a getaway, email me at chelsea@themomtourage.com and I’ll help you find a great spa or salon in your area.

Now go make an appointment, already!

From the 11/19 issue of The New Yorker:

According to Reality Blurred, Bravo has started production on a new reality docudrama called “Manhattan Moms”, which follows “an eclectic group of Gotham socialites and their families.” In a press release,  Bravo’s Frances Berwick says the following: “We’ll watch as they juggle calendars packed with charity fund-raising galas and the social whirl of the Hamptons, with interviews for elite private schools and high-powered careers.”

Manhattan moms, (and moms to be) who read this blog, is this what your “reality” consists of?

I’ve written before about how absurd a place New York City can be - especially when it comes to the parenting culture. I lived there for nearly 8 years and taught middle school for 4 years, so I have quite a bit of first-hand experience as an observer of the nuttiness of it all. Though I still love Manhattan and in some ways long for the days I lived there, every now and then I read a piece in the New York Times that makes me want to vomit/reminds me that my husband and I getting the heck out of there before I gave birth to my kid was the best thing we ever did.

A good example of such is a piece that ran in today’s NY Times Style Section titled “Basket Case for Camp”. Here’s the text:

“FORGET TRAIL MIX. For parents who are too, um, busy to go shopping for camp goodies, Scholastic Camper Care Packages are custom-made baskets chockablock with wholesome mental treats for children spending the summer in the controlled wilds. Parents — or their reasonable facsimiles — can phone (800) 724-6522 and a consultant will guide them through the store’s assortment of games, crafts activity kits, comic book novels, trivia and joke books and, of course, real books, to construct a made-to-order basket. Top-selling crafts kits include design-your-own pillowcase, make-your-own bunk lantern, fingernail art and the T-shirt as canvas. With purchases over $75, the company will include a tin camp tote and a specially designed letter to your happy camper — because naturally, if you’re too busy to shop, you’re too busy to write.”

I’m wondering if those letters read: “Dear Honey, Mom and Dad love you SOOOO much that they paid top-dollar to have a really creative stranger pick out things you’ll probably like AND write you a letter from the heart! Hope you’re enjoying camp….God knows the Hamptons are much more enjoyable with you in upstate New York for eight weeks!”?

RIP, Magnolia Bakery.