Chelsea Kaplan’s Musings About Life... After Birth
Posted by Chelsea on December 10, 2007
This article about “push presents”, which ran in last Thursday’s NY Times, has, of course, been forwarded around the Momtourage quite a bit lately. Titled “A bundle of joy isn’t enough?”, the piece focuses on the practice of men giving their birthing wives/girlfriends gifts (often referred to as “push presents”, which I have always found a particularly revolting term) as a way to celebrate the birth and show their appreciation for everything the mom endured. The piece suggests that many women have come to expect these gifts, though some women interviewed say they feel such an expectation is silly. Some men interviewed say they are cool with giving such gifts, while others apparently think such a practice is ludicrous.
Back in November, I wrote a piece for The Family Groove on this very topic. Though I initially assumed this “push present” practice was one unique to our unapologetically consumerist American culture (of which I am, admittedly, an active participant), in doing my research for the article, I found that the “push present” tradition is actually one that has longstanding cultural roots that extend outside of the U.S. (strangely, the NY Times article included no such background/anthropological info….who employs the more investigative journalists now, big-city paper???). In England, for example, after a woman gives birth, her man is expected to buy her an elegant ring, while in India, a man bestows a set of gold jewelry upon his birthing mama, offering more elaborate baubles for boy babies than girls. Apparently, push presents aren’t distinctively American.
I’m not exactly sure where I stand on the issue. Sure, I think the practice is really nice, but do I expect it? No. Would I be disappointed if my husband didn’t give me something after I give birth to baby #2? Probably, but only because this “push present” practice seems to be so widespread these days. Blame it on the media. Or peer pressure. Or on Tiffany and Co., which runs a really sweet ad for their “Tiffany Celebration Rings” with the tagline “Maybe there’s a baby” imposed over a woman cradling a baby girl while wearing a diamond and pink sapphire eternity band, which Momtourage member Lauren requested and was given after she gave birth to her daughter, Sammi. I was suckered into it too, and now have a blue sapphire one on my right hand in “celebration” of my son’s birth. NY Momtourage member Carrie requested a personal trainer in lieu of “baby bling”. Perhaps hers was the wisest request of all; diamonds are forever, but sometimes, it feels like post-pregnancy cellulite is too.
What do you think of “push presents”? Revolting? Phenomenal? Necessary, considering you endured 9 months of heartburn?
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My husband and I are pregnant with our first child and are very excited about it. I have never in my life heard of such a thing as a present after a birth like that, I mean, to me, a healthy baby would be the ultimate present. I would think asking my husband for something else would be a little selfish on my part. I am not saying you are selfish at all this is just my opinion.
My husband gave me a nice necklace with my daughter’s initials on it. It was a total surprise, but a really nice one! Big points to him….
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a “push present” or whatever you call it - women go through a lot over 9 months (and beyond) and it’s nice to know that your husband appreciates what you’ve been through with a gift. Mine is a diamond band to match my wedding band - it’s engraved with my daughter’s initials and birth date. I plan to give it to her when she’s old enough to appreciate it but until then, it’s a daily reminder of my amazing daughter and how much my husband appreciated that I brought her into this world.
Sounds like a nice gesture to me. I just wsh it was in fashion when I had kids - I have 5!
I guess it’s kind of obnoxious to expect something, but I can see how you would after enduring all that pregnancy and labor! Guys get off so easy on the whole childbearing front!
I received a pair of diamond solitaire earrings and I plan on giving them to my daughter at some point. I think it is a lovely gesture and not to be considered as “payout” but as respect…
I think the expectation of a gift might be a bit much….I know that my Dh brought me flowers when my first was born, and it was totally unexpected, totally not normal for him, and very appreciated. We also plant a new plant in my parents yard for each baby in the family, and he picked our sons, totally unexpectedly, so that was nice. (we’re military and move alot, otherwise they’d be in our yard!).
While the mom is home pregnant, the dad has to slave away in cubicle at a boring job. I think that’s a fair trade. <BR><BR>After all, if the dad wants to buy something practical to make the next year more comfortable for the his wife, fine. <BR><BR>But to waste it on some blood diamonds that the wife can show to her friends and make them jealous? I don’t think so.<BR><BR>We had a trade deficit of 900 billion dollars last year. People have to be more realistic with their spending habits.
I thoroughly expected that my husband would surprise me with a gift for enduring 25 hrs of labor and giving birth to our son. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the memo. After two years, I should be over it… <BR><BR>And to Kim - congrats on baby #1! Reserve your judgment, however, until after you do the pushing
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I’m English and have been living in the USA for the past 3 years. My wife and I had our first child in July this year.<BR><BR>I have never heard of people giving ‘push presents’ until I came to the USA.<BR><BR>We decided not to buy a gift as we felt it was better to put the money we would spend on a ring or some other thing, towards our son’s college fund. We felt that would be a better use of our money in this instance!!!
yea! id love to have my husband buy me something, even candy or flowers, afterwards. just lets us know they appreciate us.<BR><BR>at the same time, i can see how it could almost feel degrading, or thinking that they can buy us out with things.<BR><BR>i am opposed to diamond rings and huge flashy gifts like that. i think thats just barf. taking care of the baby, helping out, knowing that they are with you on this, is more than enough.
Cleaning service, flowers, extra help- yes. Expensive baubles, etc- no. Put that money towards the baby. And we wonder why other countries think Americans are spoiled.
I know someone who was disappointed because her baby daddy didn’t get her anything when their son was born. Considering that they had broken up before the child was conceived and then broke up for good immediately following the conception, I thought it was ridiculous that she should expect a gift from her EX-boyfriend.
Just handed my hubby a card w/ all the info on it for a ring that I want after baby #2 comes. I see nothing wrong with it. I take 24 hr care of our daughter, cook the meals, keep the house and will continue to do so with #2 also. If you can afford it…go ahead!
I have two kids, 8 and 6. Just now I realized I got jipped by not getting anything from my (now) exhusband for birthing them.<BR><BR><BR>Hmmm…maybe the no gift thing should’ve been a clue.<BR><BR>Ya think?
The diamond ring effect is a feature of total solar eclipses. Just before the sun disappears or just after it emerges from behind the moon, the rugged lunar limb topography allows beads of sunlight to shine through.