Chelsea Kaplan’s Musings About Life... After Birth

My amazing cousin Kate is getting married next month, and this weekend I'm flying to Chicago for her bachelorette trip. Shenanigans are sure to abound.

I'm Katie's Matron-of-Honor. (Gah..."matron." What an ugly word. It's like the name "Hulga." It makes me feel frumpy just saying it.) I am beyond excited about this honor, and I'm even more excited that Katie asked each of her bridesmaids to find a black cocktail dress we love to wear to the wedding, rather than making us each spend a gazillion dollars on a frothy confection that will just take up space in our closet. (Fist bump, Kate.)

This isn't the first wedding I've been in...in fact, I'm pretty sure it's my fifth, but I feel like I'm missing one in my mental roll call. And I've been on countless other bachelorette trips. As I'm getting ready for this weekend, though, I'm reflecting on how my maturity level has evolved since I first entered the realm of bachelorette parties about a decade ago. (Ouch.)

When I was roughly "21" (sorry, bouncer man) and prepping for a bachelorette party, I remember thinking thoughts along these lines:

• Does this pushup bra push up enough?
• I hope we remember to take a group picture in the bathroom!
• Do we have enough decorations with penises on them?
• ZOMG we should make the bride wear a tutu because that's THEFUNNIESTTHINGEVER!
• Okay, NOW my pushup bra pushes up enough. But where am I going to stash my keys? (Lightbulb!)
• He is so.cute. Which one of us gets to kiss him?
• Is my skirt too short? Cause I can make it shorter.
• These stillettos are FIERCE! Sure, I may break my ankle, but hey, if they get too uncomfy I'll just take them off! Because going barefoot in a bar isn't trashy at all.
• I have TWENTY BUCKS! How many beers can I get with that????
• The bar closes at THREE? Then what???

Now that I'm 31 and packing for the trip, here's the thought process:

• A weekend without my kids! Wahoo!
• Wait...I'm really gonna miss my kids.
• Can you tell I'm wearing Spanx with this dress?
• I hope my kids are okay without me.
• These shoes are perfect with this dress...but the heels may get really uncomfortable if we go dancing. Maybe I'll just wear the flats.
• My husband is gonna feed my kids nothing but junk food and I'm going to come home to diabetic gremlins.
• Oooh, before we go out dancing, let's do something fun like take a painting class! (Stop laughing. We're really doing that.)
• I can't wait to spend some good quality girl time. I hope we get a chance to talk.
• Gah, I'm gonna have to remember to pump before we go out so my boobs don't explode.
• Let me make sure I have enough cash in case we have to take a cab...
• My husband better text me a ton of pictures of the kids.
• The limo's picking us up at 1am? Gulp...maybe I can take a power nap in the bathroom.

Whew. I'm so glad I'm not 21 anymore.

But who am I kidding? I'm not that mature. We're gonna party like rockstars. And I promise to post pictures.

How about y'all? How has your party style matured, other than having the financial means to splurge for the fancy drinks?