Chelsea Kaplan’s Musings About Life... After Birth

The Sports Illustrated soft porn

swimsuit issue came in the mail today. The magazine annoys me for a multitude of reasons: first, I don’t know why they even bother to claim that there are swimsuits in that issue; the majority of the women are essentially buck naked, and those (at least in this issue) who are “clothed” are wearing painted-on “swimsuits”. Second, all the women are ridiculously skinny and hot, and at 8 months pregnant and about 35 pounds over my ideal weight, I freaking hate women like that (oh, who am I kidding - I always hate women like that). At times I’m on the fence about how I feel about Hillary Clinton as leader of the free world, but when I saw the magazine, I thanked God that there’s a woman running for President to counteract some of the SI-generated “women are nothing but eye candy/sex objects” crap.

Perhaps just to mess with me a bit, my husband brought the magazine into the kitchen while I was giving our son dinner. “Look what came today!” he sang, waving the magazine in front of our son’s face. I rolled my eyes.

Our son grabbed the magazine and looked at the cover, checking out glamazon cover girl Marisa Miller, who was clad in a bikini bottom smaller than one of his diapers, her chest covered with a few strands of beads. You know, exactly the kind of thing women wear all the time when they go to the beach.

It’s Mommy!” he said, pointing at Marisa.

When he asked for a cookie after dinner, I gave him five.