Chelsea Kaplan’s Musings About Life... After Birth

A couple of nights ago, the mister and I were watching one of our favorite television programs for grown-ups (I’m pretty sure it was True Blood). Our 16-month-old was in his play area, not watching but apparently listening. One of the characters dropped an F-bomb, which is not unusual for this show. All of a sudden, my angelic baby boy jumped up and yelled “FUH! Fuhfuhfuhfuhfuhfuhfuhfuh!!!” Oh, crap.

Obviously, we need to be more careful. Our son is definitely becoming more aware of what is going on around him (on television or otherwise) with each passing day. Since it is clearly time to start monitoring what’s on television when he is watching (or within earshot), I have started checking out some of the programming available for his age group. I know he shouldn’t watch too much television, but he does enjoy it, so I let him watch a couple of shows each day.

My other super swell sister-in-law (both of my sisters-in-law are awesome, but here I am referring to the one who does not also write for this blog) introduced me to the coolest program. It is called Ni-Hao, Kai-Lan and it’s part of Nick Jr.’s lineup.  I.love.this.show.

Image courtesy of www.tv.com

On each show, Kai-Lan and her friends are typically working on some sort of “project,” such as planning a party. While the characters are working together, something occurs to cause one of the characters to become frustrated, angry, sad or afraid. When this happens, Kai-Lan and the gang try to figure out what is wrong and then help their friend deal with the problem in a positive way.

I think these lessons about feelings and how to handle them are so important for young children. I think that they are probably more important than learning to count – at least for my son’s age group. I can remember being little and feeling frustrated and adults telling me “It isn’t nice to be angry. Be a sweet girl.” That was so not helpful, because in addition to being mad, I also felt like I was being a bad girl because of something I really hadn’t learned to control. I can also remember going to an amusement park for the first time and being too frightened to ride a rollercoaster. I got so nervous that I was teary-eyed. I was told that I was “being silly” and I should just “get over it” because I was keeping the others from having fun. Again, not helpful. It just added shame to the fear I was already feeling.

Yuck, right? But seriously, I think it is very easy to fall short when addressing behavior and emotions with a child. As a teacher, I know I have screwed that up on many occasions. Telling a kid to “knock it off” or to “get over it” really does not work that often. However, I was actually able to help a student make a positive change to his or her behavior those times when I did take a moment to talk to the student to find out how he or she was feeling (and how that feeling led to whatever behavior that he or she was exhibiting). It definitely takes effort to help a kid understand that anger, boredom, fear, frustration, etc., are okay to experience. And it takes even more to help them find good ways to express those feelings. But that extra effort is effective.

I really want to do that for my child. I know I will have to discipline him once he is old enough to choose to misbehave, but I hope I will always do it with love instead of vexation. And, following little Kai-Lan's example, I hope when he does act out because he is frustrated or sad or bored that I will always be willing help him find a better way of expressing those feelings rather than just telling him to “be a nice boy.”